Yes, You are Lovable, As you Are!

We all choose to receive love and joy at the level of our self-love and self-esteem. So love yourself a little harder and life will get a lot better. – Karen Salmansohn

Yes, You are Lovable, As You Are! (1)

Many issues my therapy clients face stem from feeling unlovable.  Everyone at one time or another has experienced this feeling. This thought of being unlovable could have started as a childhood experience, a teenager’s rejection of love or even as an adult’s disappointment. You may have a healthy sense of self-esteem but encounter a person who projects their self-hatred onto you. If you do not have strong boundaries, you can take on other people’s negativity and feel unlovable.

Empaths and Feeling Unloved

Empaths often receive the message something is wrong with them because of their sensitivity. As a child or an adult, you may have been told to toughen up, stop crying, shake it off, you are too much or too emotional. On the other side of the coin, you may feel taken advantage of because people rely on your advice and kindness, yet offer little in return. All of these experiences can leave you feeling resentful, emotionally drained and invisible.

Narcissists lack empathy and often target empaths because of their sensitivity. Their rage and self-hatred are thrown onto those who will absorb it. Even when they are ignoring or excluding you, it can send you the false message you are unlovable. The truth is their negativity is all about them.

How to Heal

A lack of self-acceptance and self-knowledge fuels unlovability. The more you can celebrate and appreciate your gifts of sensitivity, the better you will feel. It does not matter if other people get you, as long as you love yourself. Surround yourself with people like you. Do not give your power away to a few haters, when there is a whole world full of people who are loving and kind.

Use these additional six steps to heal:

  1. Recognize when you feel or think you are unlovable.
  2. Question this thought; is it true? Write down evidence of how you are loved. Seeing is believing.
  3. Fill your own cup. Engage in a self- loving/self-care actions.
  4. Set boundaries with people who do not honor your sensitivity. Spend less time with people who drain your energy or require too much of you. Practice saying no to requests from family, friends and even clients who reinforce the belief you are not giving enough.
  5. If you get stuck; reach out to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you.  I take pride in offering a safe, supportive space of unconditional love to help sensitive souls. From personal experience, I know what it is like to think you are unlovable and to heal this belief.
  6. Remember, you are love. You come from love and you will return to love. No experience or person can diminish who you are.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Lisa is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at http://www.lisahutchison.net

23 thoughts on “Yes, You are Lovable, As you Are!

  1. Thank you Lisa! This is an important article and what I have found at the base of most of the clients that come to me.. that lack of self-love which means a lack of self-worth as well. You give wonderful suggestions to heal! Sending love!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am glad you read this blog today, Ruthie. I have had clients struggle with feeling lovable during the holidays. It is a tough time of year for many people. Luckily, there are many different types of support. Many Blessings, Lisa xoxo

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  2. Thank you Lisa! Your beautiful words resound with what so many people need to practice…self-love. Foor me, self-compassion is the heart of self-love and that’s where we need to begin. Much love and blessings ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helpers have a challenging time taking care of themselves while caring for others. It is interesting, many times when we ask ourselves, is this true? It isn’t. Thanks for stopping by to comment, Suzie! xoxo

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  3. Wow, something just hit me like a bolt of lightning! When you said, “Empaths often receive the message something is wrong with them because of their sensitivity. As a child or an adult, you may have been told to toughen up, stop crying, shake it off, you are too much or too emotional.”
    That describes my childhood and why it felt so traumatic much of the time! I am grateful to be able to have gotten to the place where I do truly love myself and I’m so grateful for the work I’ve done on myself over the years.
    Thank you for this amazing blog post Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are welcome, Genevieve. I am happy you resonated with this blog and found it helpful. It is difficult being a sensitive child in a family, who does not get it. Luckily, there are many supports who can help with the helaing process. Thanks for your comment.

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  4. Beautiful article, Lisa. The words “You are love. You came from love and will return to love” warmed my heart. No matter the reason for feeling unloved, those words will move mountains within. Thank you for sharing your timeless pearls of wisdom.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A wonderfully written post Lisa.. The damage done when we are young children in our feelings towards ourselves never fails to amaze me..
    As we unpeel the layers of unworthiness away..
    It takes lots of work to build back our self esteem and to then to truly see we are lovable .. As we reconnect to that wounded child within..

    Christmas time as a child were conflicting memories, one of excitement and trepidation, for nearly every Christmas there would be a Family Fight between my parents.. And the Joy of Christmas then became tinged with dread.. As we would all walk on egg-shells…

    May we continue to BE LOVE and LOVE ourselves..
    Thankfully we have grown and come a long way within our journey of Self Love..

    Many thanks Lisa..
    Love and Blessings to you and Best Wishes for the Holidays.. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I feel upset because the psychopath will never see the beauty in love, so I love them too. In the hope, they find the love they push away so much. Sometimes it hurts to love so if it is felt they push it away and become psychopathic. But that’s not to say they can’t find their way to empathy. As that is an empath’s job to help humans flick the switch from psychopathy to empathy its a sliding scale, a spectrum. Love Ian Scott Thrive On News

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are many people who cannot receive or give love in this world. This is difficult for an empath to witness and feel. Empaths can offer unconditional love but must remember to protect their giving hearts from energy that is not their own. Thanks for stopping in top comment. Blessings, Lisa

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