We all choose to receive love and joy at the level of our self-love and self-esteem. So love yourself a little harder and life will get a lot better. – Karen Salmansohn
Many issues my therapy clients face stem from feeling unlovable. Everyone at one time or another has experienced this feeling. This thought of being unlovable could have started as a childhood experience, a teenager’s rejection of love or even as an adult’s disappointment. You may have a healthy sense of self-esteem but encounter a person who projects their self-hatred onto you. If you do not have strong boundaries, you can take on other people’s negativity and feel unlovable.
Empaths and Feeling Unloved
Empaths often receive the message something is wrong with them because of their sensitivity. As a child or an adult, you may have been told to toughen up, stop crying, shake it off, you are too much or too emotional. On the other side of the coin, you may feel taken advantage of because people rely on your advice and kindness, yet offer little in return. All of these experiences can leave you feeling resentful, emotionally drained and invisible.
Narcissists lack empathy and often target empaths because of their sensitivity. Their rage and self-hatred are thrown onto those who will absorb it. Even when they are ignoring or excluding you, it can send you the false message you are unlovable. The truth is their negativity is all about them.
How to Heal
A lack of self-acceptance and self-knowledge fuels unlovability. The more you can celebrate and appreciate your gifts of sensitivity, the better you will feel. It does not matter if other people get you, as long as you love yourself. Surround yourself with people like you. Do not give your power away to a few haters, when there is a whole world full of people who are loving and kind.
Use these additional six steps to heal:
- Recognize when you feel or think you are unlovable.
- Question this thought; is it true? Write down evidence of how you are loved. Seeing is believing.
- Fill your own cup. Engage in a self- loving/self-care actions.
- Set boundaries with people who do not honor your sensitivity. Spend less time with people who drain your energy or require too much of you. Practice saying no to requests from family, friends and even clients who reinforce the belief you are not giving enough.
- If you get stuck; reach out to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you. I take pride in offering a safe, supportive space of unconditional love to help sensitive souls. From personal experience, I know what it is like to think you are unlovable and to heal this belief.
- Remember, you are love. You come from love and you will return to love. No experience or person can diminish who you are.
Lisa Hutchison LMHC is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Lisa is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at http://www.lisahutchison.net