I have wanted to write about empaths and narcissists yet I didn’t know where to start. As with all writer’s block, I was overwhelmed with the subject matter because I have too much information and experience with this. One night after a dream, this blog post came together.
People who have narcissistic and/or borderline traits often give silent treatments and invalidate others. Those with narcissistic traits use these tactics as a way to control and manipulate to gain a sense of power. While those with borderline traits use these tactics out of a fear of being abandoned or rejected by others. They want to reject you before you reject them.
I grew up believing that rejection was a part of love, after all that is how I lived. I often received silent treatments and invalidation from male family members. At first, I felt hurt until I realized it was a good thing because I did not have to listen to negativity any longer.
Avoiding a pattern does not heal it. These energies translated into my early dating experiences. I attracted boyfriends who were hot and then ice cold to me. I often felt confused and attracted to them more because of this ambivalence. Luckily, I broke free from this before meeting my husband, although I have seen it a few more times through friendships and work relationships.
How to break free for good!
#1 Become aware. Love is not painful, invalidating or rejecting. Educate yourself, talk to a therapy professional and see the reality of the relationship. One problem is if you live in a fantasy of what you want for the relationship vs. what it truly is. Write down these differences in a journal; what my relationship is and what I want. This exercise will help you gain clarity about your situation.
When others ignore, reject or invalidate you, it is a reflection of them, not you. Loving people do not go around hurting others. A loving energy wants to keep connections open, build others up and be a healing force in this world.
#2 Express Gratitude. Be thankful for the lessons learned. When you see how you have grown, you can choose to no longer repeat the pattern through other relationships.
#3 Forgive. Forgiveness is for your own inner peace and healing. It in no way excuses inexcusable behavior. These types of relationships and wounds are difficult, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to process.
Here is a healing statement combining how #2 and #3 work together:
Thank you for teaching me that silent treatments, rejections and invalidations are NOT love. I now choose to forgive ___________________(insert name) and release you into the light. I NOW attract healthy, loving relationships.
You may need to repeat and write this several times to connect your logical mind to your feeling mind. When you feel the tears, let them flow and experience a sense of peace inside of yourself. You are done.
You may also want to read these additional blogs:
Lisa Hutchison LMHC works specifically with sensitive healers who want to recharge and refuel their energies from challenging relationships such as these through phone counseling and angel card readings.
I will address your specific situation as we come up with a step by step plan to empower you for a future interaction. The more you step into your power, you will deal more successfully with this type of relationship dynamic without getting drained. To break free from the chaos of relationship dynamics go to www.lisahutchison.net and help yourself to 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from your Life Now!