How to Befriend Your Emotions

May 8, 2023 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, psychology detachment, emotions, mindfulness

Compassionate people feel a lot of emotions within themselves, from other people and even their environment. Without proper boundaries, people can easily become overwhelmed by these feeling states. This can manifest as panic attacks, or some people try to repress the emotion for it only to reemerge later as an illness or emotional outburst. Others try to battle with their emotions in an effort to ward them off yet this only intensifies them. There is another way to cope with emotional states. You can learn how to “be” with your emotion without becoming the emotion.

Sit with Your Experience– This may take some practice because it feels uncomfortable. The temporarily discomfort will transform into another emotion or even a peaceful state. Be patient and stay with it. Lean into what your body or mind is telling you and “be” with it. We always make time for a friend to sit with us, make time for your emotions.

Call out the Emotion by Name– When you address a friend, you use their name. Do the same for your emotion. Identify, anger as anger, sadness as sadness and hurt as hurt. If you have difficulty identifying emotions you can use a feeling chart or attend short term therapy.

Observe the Emotion- Look at the emotion as if you are outside of it. Mindfulness, meditation and detachment help you do this. What does the emotion feel like? Look like? Come up with as many one word adjectives as you can. Watch the emotions flow by you as if going down a river or floating by like clouds in the sky.

Breathe- Focus on your breath, instead of the emotional pain. Often your breath will relax your mind and body, allowing the energy to flow out. You may experience a few tears, laughter or another form of release.

Remember, Emotions are Your Friends

Often we view emotions as something to get rid of. Some emotions arise out of no where, some are other people’s and you have your own emotions. Each one can tell us something about ourselves, our world and the people in it. The next time you have a feeling, invite it in for tea, sit a spell and find out what it has to teach you.

How do you befriend your emotions?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and spiritual coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

How to Identify Emotionally Unavailable People

April 10, 2023 Lisa Hutchison LMHC psychology emotional abuse, psychology, ptsd

Emotionally unavailable defined

Emotionally unavailable people avoid, reject or push aside emotional expressions most of the time when relating to others. This includes their own and other people’s emotions. This behavior also causes disruption in their relationships with others, on a regular basis.

This rejection of emotions creates safety for themselves because they do not have to feel the sadness, anger, grief or guilt they or others experience. Many people who are emotionally unavailable are inept when it comes to handling the emotional part of a relationship.

Some people who experience extreme change or trauma may be emotionally unavailable for a period of time, this is a situational type of unavailability. Once they process the change or trauma, they would return to being emotionally responsive again in the future. What I am writing about here is a chronic pattern of behavior.

Although emotional unavailability creates safety, it is not a healthy way of relating to others or even yourself. When a person cuts off their own emotional expression, they are also cutting off access to joy, pleasure and love. The brain can not select which emotions to keep and which to shut off. To an emotionally unavailable person, all of these emotions feel overwhelming because they haven’t learned to sit with and process emotions.

Recognizing the signs

Often clients say they didn’t recognize an emotionally unavailable person at first but did notice overtime some of these signs:

The person is uncomfortable whenever feelings are talked about.
The person minimizes your feelings. (It isn’t that bad..etc.)
The person becomes defensive when conflicts arise. (They often blame other people or lie to take the focus off of themselves)
Pull a disappearing act with texting. (Rather than respond to a text, they ignore or ghost. They may also reappear without a reason given as to why they left in the first place)
They tune you out by appearing busy on their devices. (This is used an as excuse as to why they can’t talk. They are answering “important texts”, right in the middle of a video game or on social media, all the time.)
They may be addicted to or abuse substances. (Any substance or activity that takes them away from themselves and away from feeling. Examples include being a workaholic, social media, people pleaser and any and all drugs/alcohol)
They don’t respect your time. Emotionally unavailable people often change plans or cancel a lot. This is a way to keep you an emotional distance from you.
They may lack empathy and judge emotions as weak. Any emotional expression is judged and criticized. You may hear, “Don’t be so sensitive.” “You are too intense.”
Emotional unavailability can cross the line into emotional abuse. Watch for gaslighting, when a person tries to deny your reality or invalidate it.
They may be a perfectionist. In an effort to hide their emotions, they will find some “flaw” to focus on. They may insist they can’t get past this in you and end the relationship to avoid emotional intimacy. Don’t take the bait and feel bad about yourself. Remember it’s a tactic to create emotional distance and walk away.

When you encounter an Emotionally Unavailable Person

Focus on your feelings. Write in a journal. If you find it necessary to communicate your feelings be prepared for a response that may be less than supportive. Keep the focus on your feelings, without blame. Use I feel statements.
Consider how this is effecting your health. It may be that having a close relationship is too draining, the cost may be too high for you to remain at that level of emotional accessibility. A casual connection may be best or a relationship that focuses on tasks, rather than emotions.
Analyze control issues. Emotionally unavailable people want to be in control, they do not want to change to consider your energy or boundaries. Also, you cannot make an emotionally unavailable person emotionally available but you can change how you interact with them.
Consider your own counseling- Are you emotionally unavailable? Some people who are emotionally unavailable or restricted, gravitate towards other people like themselves or what feels comfortable. This can be because of a processing disorder, trauma or you may have grown up in a family who was emotionally unavailable. If you recognize yourself here, the question is are you ready to heal and feel?
Sometimes it is best to leave the relationship. It isn’t easy to walk away. If you find your emotional needs are not being met or you are being emotionally abused, it is best to move on.
Take Good Care of You! Practice self-compassion, self-care and self-love.

Can something be learned here?

The question is do they want to learn and do you want to learn? There is always something you can learn about yourself and others. If an emotionally unavailable person acknowledges this is a problem in their life, there is hope if this is something they will or are working on in therapy.

Each relationship must be considered on a case by case basis. If you are struggling in a relationship with a person who is emotionally unavailable, counseling is your best first step to gain support, guidance and education. This blog is merely a starting part to raise awareness.

What is your experience with emotionally unavailable people?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and spiritual coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

How to Connect with & Recognize Your Angels

March 6, 2023March 6, 2023 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Angels, psychology Angels

When I was a child, my Mom told me everyone has a guardian angel. This angel watches over and protects you. I also learned through church that their were angels mentioned in the bible. Even though I had this cognitive knowledge, I didn’t feel angels in my life until I was older. I learned once I was aware and open, I could connect with my angels at any time and any place.

Tips for Connecting with your angels

Here I have listed some general ways to connect with your angels that have worked for me. You may already be doing some of these or perhaps using other ways to connect. Share your methods in the comments down below after you finish reading the blog to help others connect.

Be open- Remember to ask for help. We all have free will. Your angels cannot step in, unless you are willing or specifically ask for their help.

Trust- Believe and know you are worthy of receiving angelic help. If you don’t feel worthy, act as if you are. In fact, expect help because you are a Divine child of God.

Express gratitude- Thank the angels for their connection. You can phrase an affirmation: Angels, Thank you for your presence in my life.

Create some positive energy- Positive energy will increase your frequency and help you connect.

Create a scared space or time. Make sure you are in a quiet place where you will not be interrupted. Shut off your phone and any other electronics. Light a candle and play soft music.

Practice a meditation or visualization. Center yourself through your breath and slow your mind down, in order to receive angelic messages.

Pick some angel cards. I often pick angel cards for myself and my clients during spiritual coaching sessions.

Writing. Connect with the angels through writing. You can start by writing out an intention and write down any and all impressions you receive. Ask the angels a question and allow them to direct your writing instrument.

Prayer. Prayer can be a wonderful way to connect with the angels. Pray to God or address a specific angel with your request.

How Do I Know It’s an Angel? Recognizing the Signs

Angels attempt to connect with us in a variety of ways. It is often ourselves who are blocked or resistant to the communication, either consciously or subconsciously. Once you learn to be open and receive their communications, you won’t doubt anymore.

You will come to learn each angel has a unique sign to connect with you. In general, these are some tell tale signs of connection after you ask for help. This week notice, write down or record all the signs and synchronicities you receive.
Trust your intuition knows. If you feel or know it is an angel, it most likely is.

Here are some ways angels reach out to contact you.

You receive an idea or inspiration

Repeating numbers 1:11, 12:34, 3:33, etc.

Finding feathers

The message is direct or lighthearted and full of love

You receive a peaceful feeling

You hear a word or sentence

You hear a song with a specific message to you or you hear songs about angels. There are an endless list of songs about angels. Some songs are Send me an Angel, Calling All Angels, She Talks To Angels, etc. (Helpful Tip: You may want to listen to your favorite “angel” song to increase your frequency and chances of connection)

You see an actual angel

Some angels have a scent associated to them. You may smell a specific scent after your request for help.

You have a dream of an angel

You suddenly meet or see the name of an angel, such as a person named Michael offers you help, after you ask Archangel Michael for assistance.

These are a few of the many ways, angels let us know we are not alone, always cared for and protected. Keep an open mind and an open heart.

How do you connect with and recognize your angels?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and spiritual coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

Release the trauma and pain (from the last three years)- Virgo Full Moon

February 23, 2023 Lisa Hutchison LMHC astrology/moon, psychology health, selfcare, Virgofullmoon

Empathic helpers often have difficulty communicating their needs and wants. With great sensitivity comes a tendency to become attached to trauma and pain. This can cause your energy to deplete and your health to decline. This Virgo full moon is the perfect time to let go of the trauma and pain from eth last three years. Today, I am writing and including a video reading about the Full Moon Virgo, which starts March 7th.

The Full Moon

The full moon is a time to surrender and release. Let go of whatever you no longer need, outdated fears, limitation, clutter, etc. forgive, release negative energies. Great time to smudge or have an energy session.

Meditate around and on the day of the full moon and write down your impressions. Meditation will help you focus and ground. Let go of those insecurities. Write down your dreams and pay attention to synchronicity. These are messages from the Divine showing you, you are on the right path.

Listen deep within during this time.

Virgo Full Moon

Virgo is the sign of the virgin. It is known for health, holistic treatments, analysis, discipline and structure. Since the full moon can accentuate emotions, now is the time to watch your inner critical voice and self-esteem. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions. We all have trauma and pain to work through from the last three years, now is the time to address the issues that most need healing. Work your creativity this moon cycle, channel any anger or fear into your art. You will not only heal yourself but maybe someone else. Surrender to the Divine and remember we are not in control much of the time. You can control your behaviors.

During this moon, meditate to soothe your emotions. Meditate every day, especially around the moon to ease tension and stress. Write down your impressions. Meditation will help you focus and ground, let go of those insecurities. Write down your dreams and pay attention to synchronicity. These are messages from the Divine showing you, you are on the right path.

Listen deep within.

Let’s pick some cards to see what we need to focus on during this full moon Leo. This reading resonate with you b-day in Pisces or Virgo. Moon sign rising sign. All empaths, no matter what your astrological sign because you are sensitive to energies.

Video Reading

Virgo Full Moon

How can you let go of the trauma and pain from the last three years?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist, spiritual coach and creative writing teacher. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

When an Empath is Lied To

February 3, 2023 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, psychology betrayal, empath, relationships

Some lies alter relationships forever. This can result in the connection ending but for some they chose to rebuild a new foundation of trust. Each situation is unique and depends upon the personal history of both parties involved.

Are Empaths Human Lie Detectors?

Empaths highly value the truth. This does not mean an empath would never lie. However, when sensitive people do not tell the truth, they feel out of integrity and balance, an experience they need to rectify immediately. Overall, empaths resonate with truth telling and those who are similar to them. In fact, they will risk telling the truth, even when it brings them controversy and conflict. I see many whistleblowers as empaths.

Many articles online claim empaths are natural lie detectors. It is true, many empaths can sense when something is off or know when they are being lied to. I don’t feel comfortable using this as an absolute. Claiming this can set up sensitive people to feel shamed when they are betrayed by a lie. We all have blind spots, sometimes you will be lied to and not see it coming. These are most likely your closest relationships or someone you have a karmic connection to.

Please do not question your sense of identity because someone presents a false story. People lie when it covers their self interest. It is easier for them to fabricate “a truth” to suit their needs than have the courage to face reality. Sometimes you will get caught in the aftermath. Even though you may feel foolish, it is their behavior that is foolish. Don’t take on their emotions or responsibility.

Betrayal as a Gift

This past year, I had a couple of instances where people I once trusted, lied to me. In both instances, I felt betrayed and angry. I did confront both parties with what was said and what they did. Despite the truth being told, both parties minimized it. These are not bad people and they did not lie to hurt me but more to avoid uncomfortable feelings within themselves. It was their lack of responsibility that was the factor for me to change how I associated with them.

Emotionally, a betrayal hurts but spiritually it is a call for ourselves to reclaim our power in some area of our lives. There are lessons here, if you are willing to learn. For me, it was a confirmation to trust my inner voice, no matter what other’s say. It is also a reminder of how strong I am as a person. Despite what others do and say, I am still here and I am still going to be who I came here to be.

Rebuilding Trust

Whether you continue the relationship with another or break off the connection, your sense of trust needs to be rebuilt. Trust takes time, make sure you give yourself patience. I can’t tell you if it will take three months, six months or a even a year to heal you. It depends upon the lie that was told, the amount of work you and/or the other person do, and even your past experiences.

If you are moving forward on your own or in a relationship, communication with yourself needs to be restored. Listen to your inner voice, journal, sit with yourself, meditate or pray. You need to process, go within and seek guidance.

To heal yourself, spend time in nature. Nature does not lie. Your soul can be soothed by the natural rhythms and truths found here.

If you are in a relationship, communication is key. You need to talk about your feelings and what happened. You may want to seek out couples or individual therapy to learn better ways to communicate.

Time will tell, along with people’s actions. Do people do what they say? Maybe this person is a compulsive liar. In this instance, trust can never be rebuilt, unless the other party does some serious work on themselves.

How do you cope with lying behavior?

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

Give Yourself Permission to Rest During the Holidays

December 12, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, psychology coping skills, grief, holidays, rest, self-care

The holiday season is a complex time, emotionally, physically and mentally. Compassionate people often take on more responsibility than they should, leaving them feeling pressured and exhausted.

Feeling types want to create a comfortable experience for everyone. This thought can lead you to hold unrealistic expectations. For the only person you can make happy is you. There are many reasons why some people, no matter how hard you try will not be satisfied with what you do, give or make. This is the reason why we need to learn how to let go of other’s critical voices. Sometimes that critical voice is your own! Remember, when there is an increase in stress, old family dynamics come into play.

Others can’t wait for this time of year to be over because it reminds them of psychological pain, loss and sadness. Our society doesn’t make room for grief during the holiday season. Where ever you find yourself on the spectrum or perhaps in both worlds, it is important to honor yourself and make time to rest.

Many helpers feel resting is wasted time because you aren’t accomplishing a task or goal. I have wrestled with this myself. To do something feels as if you are valuable and worthy. Yet, you don’t have to do or say anything to be valuable and worthy because you already are!

Rest is essential for the health of your body, mind and spirit. Each instance you get still, it allows your brain time to process, your heart space to feel, your spirit connects to the Divine and your physical body has time to breathe.

Rest-defined

First let’s look at what rest really means. These definitions are from Merriam Webster 2022-

REPOSE, SLEEP

specifically : a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities

freedom from activity or labor

a state of motionlessness or inactivity

peace of mind or spirit

How to rest

When you think of restful activities imagine acts that slow down your nervous system, in order to restore body, mind and spirit. Do gentle activities you enjoy. Less simulation is best, but I do understand those with very active minds sometimes need something to focus on. I have combined a list of ideas below:

Sit or lay and that is it!

Listen to a meditation

Listen to music (without words)

Sit and watch nature

Do a five to ten minute, easy walk

Take some slow deep breaths

Focus on your five senses in this moment

Doodle or scribble

Take a bath

You may also want to read: Get Rid of Unending Fatigue with these Four Powerful Types of Rest

How do you make time to rest?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

Take a Risk, Speak Your Truth- Gemini Full Moon

November 29, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC astrology/moon, psychology communication, fullmoon, gemini

Empathic helpers often have difficulty communicating their needs and wants. With great sensitivity comes a tendency to hide any feelings of vulnerability. This can cause you to restrict or hold back your truth. This Gemini moon is the perfect time to take a risk and speak your truth. Today, I am writing and including a video reading about the Full Moon Gemini, which starts December 7th.

The Full Moon

Listen deep within during this time.

Gemini Full Moon

Gemini is the sign of the twins. It is known for logical thinking, communication, short term plans and ideas This is the energy we want to work with. Watch for any indiscretions or gossip. stay away from lower energies like these. Take a risk, be vulnerable and speak your truth.

If you need to have an important conversation stay calm. It can be helpful to write down what you want to say focusing on the facts and practicing this. Record yourself on your phone and listen back to what you say. You may want to tweak a few words or the tone of your voice. So much of our communication is nonverbal, keep this in mind. Be assertive not aggressive. Sometimes saying less is more.

During this moon it is not just about talking but how you talk to others. If you are invited to socialize or receive phone calls, do it. This moon favors getting together. Through this process of socializing and talking the answers you need are coming. Be patient and be open to receive.

Let’s pick some cards to see what we need to focus on during this full moon in Gemini. This reading resonate with you b-day in Gemini or Sagittarius, moon sign or rising sign. All empaths, no matter what your astrological sign because you are sensitive to energies.

Video Reading

How are you willing to be vulnerable during this Full Moon?

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

Can you trust your instincts, gut knowingness and intuition?

November 10, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC psychology gutknowingness, instinct, intuition

Many in the spiritual community, including myself, encourage others to trust their instincts, gut knowingness, or intuition. Even though these terms are often talked about, some people don’t know what each term means. First, let’s start with some definitions.

Instinct is a survival mechanism built into every human and animal being. It is an impulse that senses, often without reason, that something is wrong and propels you to fight, flight or freeze. This is associated with your first chakra.

Gut knowingness is a feeling in your gut. Did you know you have a second brain? There are brain cells in our digestive system, just like our brain. It makes sense when someone says the expression, go with your gut. Tune into your digestive system, what is it telling you about a person, place or thing? This is associated with your second and third chakra.

Intuition is a sixth sense. A knowingness but on a spiritual level rather than a physical gut knowingness level or rational mental level. This is associated with your sixth chakra.

What throws off people, especially those who rely more on thinking than feeling, is that all of this is not based on facts or anything tangible you can prove. Yet, there are many instances of people who say they listened and followed this guidance. It even saved their life!

When does following a sensation get you in trouble?

If you are in a habit of ignoring your instinct, knowingness or intuition, you will no longer trust it. This isn’t something you can turn on and off at will. These skills require practice, an openness and willingness to listen. If you decide, I am all of a sudden going to trust this sensation out of no where, you may not recognize it and mistake it for a thought or feeling.

If you are a person who is not connected to your feelings or numbed out, you will have difficulty connecting. In this instance, you would need to start with connecting to your feelings and body, trusting in those first.

Some people use the terms of instincts, gut knowingness and intuition but really are only projecting their unconscious biases onto others. It is not okay to discriminate against others based on racism, sexism, ageism, etc., and tell others you got a bad feeling about them.

Can you trust your instincts, gut knowingness and intuition?

To answer this question, which is also the title of this blog, is up to each individual. I would tell you the more healthy and balanced you are, yes, you can trust your instincts, gut knowingness and intuition. Does this mean you won’t ever make a mistake? No. You might trust an unconscious feeling or thought or you might ignore an important signal to keep you safe. The bottom line is, you can work on becoming more healthy and balanced every day, which includes trusting in these sensations.

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

How to Create Stability- Full Moon Eclipse in Taurus

October 31, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC psychology

Empathic helpers often have difficulty separating their energy from others. With great sensitivity can come a tendency to become stuck or frozen in place. This can cause you to not move towards your goals or get caught up in other people’s emotions. Today, I am writing and including a video reading about the Full Moon Eclipse in Taurus, which starts November 8th.

The Taurus Full Moon Eclipse

The Full Moon

Taurus is the sign of the bull. It is known for being independent, dependable, hardworking and dedicated. This is the energy we want to work with. Watch for any stubbornness or getting fixated/stuck. Be flexible and practice the pause, especially if you feel triggered by what others say or do. Value yourself during this moon.

The Eclipse

We not only have a full moon but also a lunar eclipse. Eclipses come in pairs. Below is video 2 of 2 with tips for creating stability during these unsettling energies. The last video was about the solar eclipse in Scorpio. There is an increase in drama and intensity around eclipse energy. You may not understand the full story of what is happening or happened until after both eclipses. This is a good time to journal about your life and then go back and read it in a couple of weeks after this full moon

Eclipses are karmic, fated energies that feel out of our control. Events can feel out of your hands. Work within the darkness of yourself and others. The full moon eclipse is about sudden endings or conclusions. Let go and go with the flow. If you are letting go of someone or something, know it is the right time, even though it may be very difficult for you. No matter what you will experience a change. How you view that change is up to you and how you think about that change.

Listen deep within during this time.

Let’s pick some cards to see what we need to focus on during this full moon Taurus eclipse. This reading resonate with you b-day in Taurus or Scorpio, moon sign or rising sign. All empaths, no matter what your astrological sign because you are sensitive to energies.

Video Reading

What changes have you noticed this eclipse season?

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

What is an Ambiguous Loss?

October 17, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC grief/loss, psychology, trauma ambiguous loss, disenfranchised grief, grief

An ambiguous loss occurs when a relationship or connection that was significant to you ends, without a clear understanding or closure. “Ambiguous loss is a loss that remains unclear. The premise of the ambiguous loss theory is that uncertainty or a lack of information about the whereabouts or status of a loved one as absent or present, as dead or alive, is traumatizing for most individuals, couples, and families”(Boss, 2007).

Since, the details of the loss remain unknown, it is this uncertainty which prolongs the grieving process. You are left wondering, do I continue to hold on or let go? Many people hold out hope that the relationship or connection will return to normal, while others begin the letting go process.

A Disenfranchised Grief

Since this is not a clear cut type of loss, such as when a person dies from an illness, many in society do not consider these types of “death” as significant. A disenfranchised grief is one that is unrecognized and undervalued in our society. When grief is not acknowledged and given space to air out amongst others, it worsens a person’s mood, functioning and relationships. People who experience ambiguous losses and disenfranchised grief often second guess their feelings, experience anger, shame or even guilt, just for having normal grief feelings.

Examples of Ambiguous Losses

We all have experienced some form of ambiguous loss in our lives. Here are some examples.

Lost or missing pets, those who don’t return home
Trauma
Mental or Physical Illness
Disconnection or estrangement from family or friends
Moving
Loss of employment
A person who is alive but not physically present (Dementia, Alzheimer’s Disease, Substance Abuse/Addictions)

There are many more examples of ambiguous loss than listed above but I wanted to give you an idea about the types of loss that compromise this type of grief. Remember, if others do not recognize your loss as significant, it is important you do. There are many empathic helping professionals that can support you in this process.

References

Boss, P. (2007) Ambiguous Loss Theory: Challenges for Scholars and Practitioners. Family Relations (56.)