How to forgive those who emotionally reject you

I have wanted to write about empaths and narcissists yet I didn’t know where to start. As with all writer’s block, I was overwhelmed with the subject matter because I have too much information and experience with this. One night after a dream, this blog post came together.

People who have narcissistic and/or borderline traits often give silent treatments and invalidate others. Those with narcissistic traits use these tactics as a way to control and manipulate to gain a sense of power. While those with borderline traits use these tactics out of a fear of being abandoned or rejected by others. They want to reject you before you reject them.

My experience

I grew up believing that rejection was a part of love, after all that is how I lived. I often received silent treatments and invalidation from male family members. At first, I felt hurt until I realized it was a good thing because I did not have to listen to negativity any longer.

Avoiding a pattern does not heal it. These energies translated into my early dating experiences. I attracted boyfriends who were hot and then ice cold to me. I often felt confused and attracted to them more because of this ambivalence. Luckily, I broke free from this before meeting my husband, although I have seen it a few more times through friendships and work relationships.

How to break free for good! 

#1 Become aware. Love is not painful, invalidating or rejecting. Educate yourself, talk to a therapy professional and see the reality of the relationship. One problem is if you live in a fantasy of what you want for the relationship vs. what it truly is. Write down these differences in a journal; what my relationship is and what I want. This exercise will help you gain clarity about your situation.

When others ignore, reject or invalidate you, it is a reflection of them, not you. Loving people do not go around hurting others. A loving energy wants to keep connections open, build others up and be a healing force in this world.

#2  Express Gratitude. Be thankful for the lessons learned. When you see how you have grown, you can choose to no longer repeat the pattern through other relationships.

#3 Forgive. Forgiveness is for your own inner peace and healing.  It in no way excuses inexcusable behavior. These types of relationships and wounds are difficult, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to process.

Here is a healing statement combining how  #2 and #3 work together:

Thank you for teaching me that silent treatments, rejections and invalidations are NOT love. I now choose to forgive ___________________(insert name) and release you into the light. I NOW attract healthy, loving relationships.

You may need to repeat and write this several times to connect your logical mind to your feeling mind. When you feel the tears, let them flow and experience a sense of peace inside of yourself. You are done.

You may also want to read these additional blogs:

Are you making up stories?

How to Recognize Manipulation & Protect Your Energy 

How to Successfully Deal with Passive Aggressive Behavior

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works specifically with sensitive healers who want to recharge and refuel their energies from challenging relationships such as these through phone counseling and angel card readings.

I will address your specific situation as we come up with a step by step plan to empower you for a future interaction. The more you step into your power, you will deal more successfully with this type of relationship dynamic without getting drained. To break free from the chaos of relationship dynamics go to www.lisahutchison.net and help yourself to 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from your Life Now!

 

 

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Why connection is important in today’s world

 

I have been more contemplative since the rally in Charlottesville VA, the death of 32-year-old Heather Heyer and now the flooding in Texas. I desire to connect more authentically with others yet struggle because I do not want to get drained by extreme anger, violence or anguish. Being a part of protests, rallies and marches are not for me because of this. Yet as an empath, I want to know more than what’s up; social niceties and small talk bore me.

I have come to a new acceptance that I am called to heal this world in a different way. This has been the story of my life, stepping out on my own to follow a path unknown. Instead of donating to the Red Cross for the Texas floods, I donated to a smaller company called Undies for Everyone which supplies clean underwear to the survivors of the flood. I connect with being a woman and needing clean underwear more than donating to a large organization.

Three Men, a child and a baby

I am overtaken by a lot of thoughts, after these events. Walking helps me process this energy. One day, I saw a man wheeling a stroller with a small child lagging behind him. As we entered the cross walk at the same time from different directions, I moved slightly outside of the white line for his young child to be in the cross walk. We smiled as we passed one another. I went into the post office, mailed a few letters and another man held the door open for me. I thanked him and held it for him in return.

As I walked home, I saw the same man who walked with his children. This time I noticed the drained looked upon his face as he folded and put the stroller back into his car. We smiled again but this time I said, “Have a good day.” In this moment, I witnessed an energy shift and his face brightened. Intuitively, I knew I gave him a gift and felt authentically connected. Lastly, another man mowing his lawn waved at me, I waved in return. After my interactions with these three men, I felt rejuvenated, hopeful and inspired to write.

We are one

We all need reminders in our struggles that we are cared for and not alone. When you connect to a person’s heart and soul, you recognize them as the Divine light we all are. These small acts of kindness are best if not planned. Don’t worry, intuitively you will know who to connect with, where to donate and what to do. When you allow spirit to work through you, you are guided. Trust you will be in the right place with the right people at the right time.

When you notice someone who needs an emotional lift, look them in the eye and speak from your heart. It can be something simple such as have a good day, a wave or a smile. Now more than ever we need reassurance that we are not one another’s enemies. This year we all have experienced heavy intense energies. The best way to cope is to shine your light as a channel for Divine love.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section of how you authentically connect with others despite the extreme anger, violence and fear that is a part of our society today.

For specific ways to prevent your own energy depletion, contact Lisa Hutchison LMHC. She offers counseling and angel card readings by phone and in person to teach you how to rejuvenate and recharge your unique energy issues. I invite you to go to my website http://www.lisahutchison.net and pick up this FREE 10 page E-book 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now! 

6 Ways to Reconnect to the Body & Feel Secure

Each morning when you awaken, you receive energy from the Divine. Throughout the day, you become drained through energy leaks which give your power away. Energy leaks can occur from many causes; some are illness, over thinking, not saying no to others and even having too much clutter. When these happen, it is easy for an empath to get disconnected from her body, mind and spirit.

You achieve natural stress reduction and energy renewal when connected to the body, allowing any excess energy to pass through you. Grounding connects your energy to Mother Earth, a natural stabilizing force. Think of a lightening rod as a metaphor for grounding your energy. Lightning rods are made out of metal and are good conductors of electricity. When lightning strikes the rod, energy flows freely without resistance into the ground.

Empaths attract and absorb energy from others due to having a sensitive nature. One of your lessons is to learn how to allow energy to pass through you without getting attached to it, much like the lightening rod. When you can remain grounded or reconnect to the body shortly after feeling depleted of energy, you create mental and physical stability within. This naturally decreases anxiety, depression and insomnia.

How to reconnect to your physical body

1.) Connect to your breath- Remember to breathe! Often under times of stress, people hold their breath. Notice your breath right now. Is it shallow or deep? Focus on sending your breath into your lower abdomen, let it go and allow your body to relax.

2.) Relax the physical body- This can be done through meditation and visualization. Busy minds often benefit from guided meditations led by others. Also take a bath or shower and add sea salt to the water because this grounds you, releases the stress of the day, and any energy you may have absorbed from others.

3.) Practice sensory activities- Use the 5 senses to direct your attention into the present moment. Right now; What sounds do you hear? What does the room temperature feel like upon your skin? What do you see and taste? Smell your favorite scent.

4.) Get out into nature- Connect with the outdoors. Breathe fresh air, put your feet in some grass or sand, and watch the animals and birds. Hug a tree and create a picture in your mind of the root structure going deep into the ground.

5.) Eat some protein and or root vegetables- For those who eat meat, do so. For vegetarians and others choose vegetables that grow deep within the earth. Potatoes, carrots and yams have the energy of grounding within each of their cells.  When you eat these foods, it gives your body an unconscious signal to ground.

6.) Get an energy session- Reiki can be useful to clear your chakras and release other’s energy while grounding your body to the Earth.

For specific ways to prevent your own energy depletion, contact Lisa Hutchison LMHC. She offers counseling and angel card readings by phone and in person to teach you how to rejuvenate and recharge your unique energy issues. Go to her website http://www.lisahutchison.net and pick up this FREE 10 page E-book 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now! 

 

How to receive help when you’re a helper

 

I don’t know about you, I find it very difficult to ask for help. I have a strong ego that says, “I will do it myself.” My entire life I have taken pride in my independence. I know there are times that I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I asked for help. Now that my business is growing and I want to maintain my energy levels, I am asking for help more and more.

As a psychotherapist, I often guide my clients to ask for help. Do you notice as a helper it is almost as if you need permission to do so? We often reassure one another. It is okay to rest. It is okay to do less. It is okay to ask for help at work and at home. You don’t need anyone’s permission because you already are deserving and worthy of help.  

Where does the block to receiving help start?

You were born with an independent streak. You have an independent personality.  I remember being a small child wanting a teddy bear that was in the crib. Rather than ask for help, I reached my little arm through the bar and tried to get the bear out myself. If I remember correctly my arm got stuck!

You don’t want to be a burden or bother others. You have heard in the past a negative response when you asked for help or were manipulated with guilt. As an empath, you sense and know others are experiencing overwhelm and stress. Due to this awareness, you avoid speaking up and asserting your needs.

A fear of rejection. When you get the courage to ask for help, you feel vulnerable and sensitive with your ego. You imagine someone saying “no” as the worst case scenario. Do not give the word “no” so much power. It is okay if someone can not help you. There are a lot of other people out there in the world that can. To take the sting out of no, say, “Who can I ask next?”

You enjoy being the helper, not the one being helped. Some people attribute negative thoughts or feelings to needing help. You may think you are weak for needing help. It is a sign of strength to reach out and ask for help. There will be a time for each and every one of us when we need a little help from our friends.

How to ask for help

Know the signs of needing help. A good sign you need help is when you feel overwhelmed, tense and your energy is depleting. When this happens, think of the people who are in your circle. Who are the ones that offer the kind of help you need?

Pray to the Divine. Ask for a person with integrity to help you with your current situation and trust the Divine has brought him or her into your life. When this person arrives, give thanks and pay attention to the advice that is given. Remember you are never alone.

Ask! One benefit of asking for help is when others are not personally involved in your situation, they can offer unique solutions that you have not thought about. In order to receive, you have to start asking others for help and there is no perfect way to do it. You are going to have to learn how to ask while feeling uncomfortable because it isn’t natural for helpers to seek outside help. When someone says no, keep asking until you get the help you need.

The more specific you can be in your request, the better you can receive help. When you are able to be clear, people can understand your situation better. Be flexible and open, because sometimes a person can not help you as you requested but can help you in other ways. There were a few times I received a healing, I didn’t get what I wanted yet I got what I needed.

For more support and help contact Lisa. 

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts, refill and recharge their energy with psychotherapy, intuitive coaching and angel card readings. For more information visit her website at www.lisahutchison.net, while you are there get this FREE gift: 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now!

Are you feeling pressure to do more with life?

Many sensitive souls I work for feel pressure to do more with their life. This burden can originate from your own internal process but also external forces, such as parents, relatives and friends. One common theme is a drive to move forward in some great way, yet you are unsure of what that is or where you are going. This weight is felt emotionally and can be expressed as restlessness, anxiety and depression.

 

My personal story

For me, this stress began in childhood. I was born an empath and experienced my father’s sudden death when I was 5 years old and my brother-in-law’s death when I was 15 years old. From these experiences, I felt I don’t have a lot of time in life. In some ways this awareness has made my life richer and more beautiful because I push myself to not have any regrets. In other ways, it has caused me great pain.

Trauma theorists in the psychology world would say a part of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is believing that you will not have a normal life span or in technical terms, a foreshortened future. What happens when you only have this one symptom? One symptom of PTSD does not qualify anyone for a diagnosis.

In the recent year alone, I had two friends die suddenly. Adding this to my mother’s death over 5 years ago, I see how life can change in the blink of an eye and death has touched me very deeply. Death has manifested in me a compulsion to achieve. I need to hurry up, get things done and make my mark on this world before I am out. I am sharing my personal experience because I know others of you are out there who also pressure yourselves for this reason and others.

Reasons why you feel pressured to do more in life

• Empaths are born healers, who need to become more visible with their gifts, yet often hide them and avoid public exposure. One theory is this restlessness comes from your soul to get you moving and put yourself out there more. Yet, you will be no good to anyone else if you burnout from self-imposed pressure. Read more about burnout here: What helpers like you need to know about burnout 
• You worry that you are not doing enough with your life. This inferior thinking leads you to compare yourself to others or feel something is missing. What worsens this effect are milestones such as deaths, birthdays, reunions, weddings and births for yourself or those close to you. These events get you thinking about life, regrets and how fast time seems to be moving.
• You are experiencing post-traumatic stress. You experienced trauma around a life threatening event or a death and are now experiencing symptoms such as startle responses, nightmares, avoidance of triggers that remind you of the trauma, emotional numbness, a sense of a foreshortened future and anxiety. You have flashbacks which put your mind back into the scene of the trauma and feel stuck reliving it through your thoughts and feelings.
• You are psychic. It could be you are predicting your own shortened life. I have often felt this way. Unfortunately, you will not know you are right until you are on the other side.

What to do

There is a lot of healing that needs to be done in this world, the best place to start is with yourself. When you become overwhelmed with the wounds of others, make an appointment to heal your own. If you are experiencing trauma symptoms, make an appointment with an empathic psychotherapist or healer.

There is no perfect life. Learn to live from your heart and not your head. Become aware of the pressured thinking, stop it in its tracks and focus on what is right in front of you. No one knows how much time any of us have on Earth, relax and enjoy it as much as you can. Trust that there is time and space to do everything you need to do according to divine planning.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone’s life has challenges, do not get sucked into the hype of social media where everything looks great. That is one snapshot of a person’s day, it does not tell the entire story of their life. Compare yourself to yourself 6 months or a year ago and use that as a measure of success.

To wrap things up

Life is short and we live in an uncertain world. The key is to become aware of the thinking that causes you to suffer and learn to drop down into your heart space. Focus on your breath, relax and let go with each exhale. Enjoy this ride called life as much as possible, for this is how you end your life with no regrets.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts, refill and recharge their energy with intuitive counseling and angel card readings. For more information visit her website at www.lisahutchison.net, while you are there get this FREE gift 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now!

What does blaming the victim say about us?

Think about these news headlines:

Marines Being Investigated for Sharing Nude Photos of Female Colleagues-NBC New York

Tennessee teacher suspected in 15-year-old’s kidnapping arrested; teen found safe.-Fox

Three O’Reilly sexual harassment accusers speak out-MSNBC

Right now, you have a story in your mind about the perpetrator and the victim. Some of you side with the victim while others believe the accused. When something horrific happens the mind goes into a narrow focus of black and white thinking, which explains why people take sides. I agree, there are cases of people being accused of crimes they did not commit. Why is it that when the evidence is overwhelming that people blame the victim or feel the victim of the crime has more responsibility than the perpetrator?

From my experience as a licensed psychotherapist, I have discovered the following reasons:

There is a lack of empathy for others and ourselves- When you hear a story about a crime that happened to another person it arises a feeling of judgment within you. It is easy to say after hearing a story that you would have handled it differently. The truth is you do not know how you would cope until you are in it yourself. You can give a good guess, it is something else to live and act in the moment.

It is uncomfortable sitting with your own inner victim. To identify with the victim of a story you need to acknowledge that there were times in your own life that you were victimized or felt vulnerable and there was nothing you could do about it at that time. Many cannot handle this truth and instead reject it, projecting their anger onto the victim.

You don’t want to accept that it is not a just world- Bad things happen to people and they did not ask for it or bring it upon themselves by what they did or did not do. Sometimes bad things happen to good people because you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. This randomness to the world is a scary concept.

It is easier to blame others believing they deserve what they got rather than admit this could have happened to me. The proverb, there but for the grace of God go I, admits this recognition that others’ misfortune could be one’s own and there are parts of our lives that are out of our control. The good news is you can always choose how to respond to any event.

Denial about the perpetrator –Sometimes the person harming others is someone you know or could even be a family member or friend. It is difficult to accept that someone you love could commit a crime. This very truth can cause people to shift the focus of responsibility from perpetrator to victim. You may wonder what the accused person’s behavior says about you as a person. Their behavior, as an adult, is their responsibility. What others do has nothing to do with you.

Lack of acceptance of your own inner perpetrator –As I stated earlier you have an inner victim but you also can have an inner perpetrator or bully. Is there something that you have done that you are having trouble facing that was hurtful to yourself or others?

Blaming the victim drains your life force of energy because you are negating the vulnerable parts within yourself and putting your focus on someone else’s life. You do not know the life lessons and growth for other people but you can work on yourself.  We are all here to learn from one another and ourselves, whether we find ourselves in the position of a victim, a perpetrator or a witness.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts refill and recharge their energy with counseling and angel card reading sessions. Helping sensitive souls not only survive but shine! Get her 10 page E-book FREE called 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at www.lisahutchison.net

Coping with the unexpected death of a friend

Death has a deep effect upon an empathic soul. The more you are attached to someone, the stronger your grief reaction will be. As an empath, your energy becomes enmeshed with those close to you. When a death occurs, it is a process of letting go of those physical connections and establishing a new connection that is only at a spiritual level.

Grief can become more complex when a death is unexpected or sudden. The state of shock you first experience cushions you in the initial days. It is also exhausting and draining because you are carrying the emotional pain of your loss, which has yet to be expressed. Some people experience trauma symptoms similar to PTSD after an intense loss, this is known as complicated grief.

Helpful Suggestions in Your Grief

1.) Acknowledge grief is work and it takes its toll physically, emotionally and spiritually when it is ignored. In order to heal, you need to feel. Make time for grief. If it pops up at inconvenient times, write about it at night or on the weekends.

2.) Feel the pain of the loss. This is the most difficult part of grief, without it there is no moving forward. At this point in the healing process, you may need to reach out to an empathic therapist who has expertise in grief/loss issues.

3.) Keep your routine. Structure will give you a sense of stability and control when emotions feel intense or come out of the blue.

2 friends, 6 months

One of my best friend’s died from cancer, last October. It was a month from the diagnosis to his death. Six months later on the exact date, I found out that a friend of mine that I met on Facebook and talked to by phone, died suddenly on her 54th birthday.

Sharon and I were both co-authors in 365 Ways to Connect with Your Soul and 365 Life Shifts books. I often visited her Facebook page when I didn’t see her posts in my newsfeed because there would be a variety of positive and uplifting messages. She felt this was something she needed and wanted to do every day for others. I am grateful she listened to that voice within that I often encourage others to do. I know many days, I was helped by her posts.

I read about her death when I visited her Facebook page the day after her birthday. At first, I was in complete shock and disbelief seeing a couple of posts from others that spoke about her death. I hoped it was a cruel joke, but it wasn’t. I felt angry and questioned God, why her? I reasoned saying that others could have been taken off this Earth instead. I also cried over the loss realizing that there will be no other phone calls or positive posts left by her on her page anymore. These feelings of denial, confusion, anger, shock, bargaining and sadness are all normal parts of the grieving process.

Here are some of her recent posts that inspired me, perhaps they will inspire you also. She often wrote one word to empathize the post which I have included here:

Inspire

Courage

Faith

Some Days

Practices I learned from early loss and death in my own life. 

1.) Shine your light. The Divine gave you this light for a reason. Go out there and be your best self without apology.

2.) Value your connections. Enjoy every moment of this journey called Life and everyone who is in it. Acknowledge and give others attentive love, you never know when you or the other will be called home.

This blog has been dedicated to those who have suffered sudden losses and to my friend Sharon Rothstein. I know you are shining your light down on us from heaven. xx

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts, refill and recharge their energy with counseling and angel card reading sessions. As a licensed mental health counselor and intuitive psychotherapist she helps you work through all stages of grief. http://www.lisahutchison.net