Secrets- The good, the bad and the ugly

Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, psychology, , , , ,

Secrets_ (1)

When I was a teenager, I discovered a secret was kept from me. I found out and thought I could no longer trust those closest to me. The secret was revealed, talked about and processed. I forgot all about it until a recent dream and professional experience.

Empaths- the human lie detector

Due to your sensitivity, you are able to pick up on subtle to non-existent cues and know when someone is lying. Empaths are sometimes referred to as the human lie detector for this reason. Often you know something isn’t right, yet you don’t know what it is for sure.  For this reason, it is essential to trust your instincts and learn how to assert yourself.

You do not need to become a sleuth. If the Divine wants you to know something, it will be revealed to you. When you receive hidden information, sit with it and ask for Divine guidance about your next step. The biggest mistake I see my empath clients make is reacting and later regretting it.

Why do people keep secrets?

The reason people have for keeping secrets varies from the good, the bad, to the ugly. As a psychotherapist, I abide by confidentiality. Some would say I and those in my profession keep secrets. In a way, we do. There are many instances clients have shared information with me they would never share with their families or even friends. There are exceptions to this secret keeping in therapy, such as if a person is going to harm themselves or others and in cases of abuse or neglect.

Some people keep a secret because they believe it is protecting others. They rationalize that others could not handle the information because they are too fragile. This is ironic because it is often the secret keeper who cannot handle the other person knowing.

Others believe they are helping by not sharing certain information with you. They think you don’t need to know and would not benefit from knowing. This control of the message takes the decision out of your hands and keeps it with the secret keeper. Then there are those that withhold because they are afraid of another’s reaction. Some people are more deceptive and enjoying holding power of others. They know this is information you could use yet purposely keep it hidden.

Clinically and personally, I know for a fact the reason a person keeps a secret is never personal. It is a reflection of the person keeping the secret.

The damage secrets bring:

Secrets cause division – When a secret is kept it divides people into two camps; those who know and those who do not. Even the best secret keepers can leak out information non- verbally, which a sensitive person can pick up on.

Secrets destroy trust – You cannot have a healthy relationship without trust. An energy of suspicion, hangs in the air after a secret is unearthed. It leaves people with the thought; If you kept this a secret, what else are you keeping from me?

To Wrap It All Up

There is a saying you are only as sick as your secrets. If you are keeping information from someone, why? In this age of over sharing, there are parts of life that everybody does not need to know about you. In this case, it is more a matter of privacy. The question to ask is does this information hurt others or myself or does it help others and myself heal?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC- Licensed Psychotherapist and Writing Coach for Empaths & Artists. Keeping secrets are one of the many ways your energy gets depleted. Lisa works with professionals who often get drained from their helping efforts, recharge and rejuvenate their energy. Get her FREE gift 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos Now!  http://www.lisahutchison.net 

23 thoughts on “Secrets- The good, the bad and the ugly”

  2. Recently had a family member divulge a secret she had been keeping for years. It affected different people differently – some will no longer trust her now, and some want to hug her and help her. As for me, I keep wishing I had known sooner so I could have helped.

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  3. Excellent post Lisa. Thank you for bringing clarity to the topic of ‘secrets’ people keep. These words are powerful, “The reason a person keeps a secret is never personal. It is a reflection of the person keeping the secret.” We forget it’s not about us, it’s about them. Once this is understood, our perspective alters. As you say, we are only as sick as our secrets. My motto – integrity 24/7!

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  4. In order to see that somebody is lying we have to look at how they are saying something instead of only listening to what they are saying.
    I completely agree, we can detect that and many other things if we are observant and sensitive. I like the explanation of empaths. Well, we know that harsh truth is better than sweet lies. It is sometimes so that people believe they are doing a favor by not opening somebody’s eyes, but, that actually can turn into tragedy. There is a very thin line: when to tell and when not to. Guessing where that line is is the toughest part. If we believe we would destroy somebody by revealing a secret that was in the past, we should not do that. Especially, if that would not change anything in the present. We sometimes have to let the past pass and be buried. This is such a deep and wide subject. Many books, research and movies, as well as shows, they all deal with secrets. Well done!

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    • The life of an empath “feeling” what is hidden. It is difficult for many to know what to do with that information once it is uncovered. When secrets are involved, it is best to go within and listen to your intuition. I agree it is difficult to know sometimes what is right. Connecting with a trusted friend or therapist can help. When a person is not involved, she can offer a fresh perspective. Thank you Inese for stopping by and commenting. I enjoy meeting new people with similar interests.

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      • I find that North American culture is more secretive than, for instance, Europe, especially post soviet countries like Latvia where I lived up to age 46. I’m 60 this summer, and it has been difficult to tackle the new approaches and better-not-to-say-anything not to offend or discourage the other person. I always prefer direct response or message, I can take any truth and whatever bad or good things are coming my way. It was difficult to get used that nobody really wanted to disclose their real thoughts or attitude. So, I stopped pretty much listening to what somebody was saying, but read the context and hidden meanings in their face or eyes and perceived the hidden messages of the body language and tone. I do not have an explanation for these differences, but there are a lot. It is shocking how everybody is fine until something bad happens, and everybody goes: we did not know he or she was suffering or could not find the way out, etc.
        Once the secret information is uncovered one has to do a realistic assessment of the potential impact. We can do that if we know something about that person. There enough airheads around who will not do that and they will throw the secret information into somebody’s face just so, for no reason.
        Then there is revenge and hidden competition, and that becomes intentionally harming disclosure of a secret information.
        I am very happy I found your blog.
        It is great to see the insights of somebody who devotes their work to very tricky psychological issues.

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        • Inese. you bring up a very good point, the differences in culture and sharing of information. It does seem we all give off an energy that intuitively sensitive people can read regardless of what is being said or shared verbally. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience. I find it interesting to read about other cultures and their behaviors.

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  5. Hi Lisa, Another great post! It’s an interesting dichotomy: secrets versus oversharing. I’ve lately been really playing with the idea of what is sacred and how or if it’s meant to be shared. Your post makes me think more about how we view something as sacredly ours or if that too is perhaps just a secret. If we are all one and universally connected, then perhaps there is no difference…

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    • Thank you Krystal! I am happy to hear my post was thought provoking for you. It is up to each of us individually how much and what we are comfortable sharing with the public. No matter what we share or don’t, we will be universally connected.

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  6. Great article! I like how you differentiate between secrets and privacy. A big part of it comes down to intention. Looking deeper at the underlying reason for keeping the secret allows us to have compassion, rather than react in anger or pain. Thanks for the thought provoking post, Lisa!

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  7. What a wonderful post Lisa, and I agree it is often about our perception and different personalities react differently. And the intention behind keeping a Secret.

    I think you are correct when you say Empaths have an instinct when something is withheld or the truth is being skirted around. Trust then maybe come an issue as you then begin to question via your intuition what is being told.

    There are two sides I guess to every situation. Those who keep secrets so that they think they are protecting someone. And others who deliberately keep Secrets for their own gains. Or who are perhaps just too afraid to share the Truth for the thought of being rejected or ridiculed.

    I remember once in my roll of what today we call Human Resources, way back when we were personnel officers 🙂 I interviewed someone for a job.. My intuition kicked in and I sensed they were hiding something and though our conversation I managed to help them open up to what they were hiding.
    I will not divulge what that was, But because of their opening up and revealing their ‘secret’ it helped me make my decision and I gave them the job… This person turned out to be a valued employee…

    Their reaction as to why they were keeping quiet about their secret, when I asked them, was that I or any other employer would not employ them if they knew their background, and they were so in need of being given a chance to prove themselves. Given another employer, they may well have not employed them because their own prejudicial thinking often colours perception of someone of a certain stereo type, when in fact the person may not be anything like that.

    So Being Truthful also can cause problems.. 🙂
    And yes All Truth is Good Bad and Ugly, its what we do with what we know, and how we react given the information we discover.

    Wonderful read, and it took me back to that moment in time all those years ago..

    Love and Blessings
    Sue ❤

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    • Thanks for sharing your personal work example. Using your intuition is important as to when to push a little or let something go. I encounter this in my therapeutic work. Having compassion for others who may be feeling shame or fear can help heal others. If we are holding back because of a personal issue we also need to trust our intuition if it is right to reveal or not. There are some things that can bite you in the behind when applying for work or school, such as withholding a criminal record or arrest. In those cases, it is important to be truthful. I appreciate you stopping by and offering your wisdom. Many Blessings, Lisa

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  9. Secrets can shatter trust. I don’t like secrets! I don’t even do well with surprises, honestly – my birthday is coming this summer and I made it clear to my boyfriend that it won’t be a surprise party in any way 😉

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