How to Slow Down Impulsive Decisions & Improve Your Relationships

Impulsive decisions can wreak havoc on your boundary setting and relationships. When you act without thinking, you can contradict the very limit you were attempting to set with someone. This leaves you appearing to negate what you previously said or did for others. Understandably, people will question whether you have integrity or if you can be trusted.

People in today’s world are more impulsive. Many of us react to whatever is seen or said, without pausing to think first. We expect and some of us demand, instant gratification. I see impulsive behaviors on social media, whether it is reactions to posts, posting without thinking and even expecting an instant answer or response through messages. Sometimes people get blocked, ghosted or impulsively cut out of others’ lives.

Impulsivity as a Symptom

Addictive behaviors thrive on impulsivity. This can include people pleasing, social media, along with any type of substance or alcohol abuse. Many mental health issues feature impulsivity as a symptom. Some are bipolar/mania, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Cluster B personality disorders (borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, etc.) and impulse control disorders. You can also find people act impulsively when they are anxious or experiencing trauma. If you are suffering from a mental health issue, treatment is available to help decrease these kinds of impulsive behaviors.  

It’s Not All Bad

As with everything, there is a healing and a destructive side. The healing side of impulsivity is taking action whereas you wouldn’t have before. This push can help you step outside of the box and explore new ways of being. Much of our intuition and gut feelings lead us to take immediate action without thought. It is important to trust these drives, which protect and guide us.

What Fuels your Impulsive Behavior?

Often people act impulsively to get rid of anxiety or anger. By acting to remove your discomfort, you end up creating more discomfort.

Ask yourself;

Is my impulsivity from a learned behavior through society, a mental health condition, people pleasing or a combination of these?

Ways to Decrease Impulsive People Pleasing

Growing up and sometimes as an adult, I felt compelled to jump in and help, whenever a need arose. I automatically said yes to all requests, as if I didn’t have a choice. I did not take the time to consider if this was something I wanted to do. This is how impulsive people pleasing cuts you off from your own feelings and thoughts. 

Whether you identify as empath, empathic or a people pleaser, here are some ways to decrease impulsivity and connect within. The next time someone asks you for a favor or help, try these phrases to give yourself the space to process;

1. Let me sleep on it.
2. I will consider it.
3. Give me some time to check my schedule.
4. Let me get back to you. 

These phrases give you the option to make a choice based on what you want. In this space, check in with your body and mind. Observe your thoughts and feelings. 

Ask yourself;

Does this feel right for me? 
What does my gut tell me?

Ways to Decrease Reactivity in all Situations

When you feel triggered by another person or situation, this is the time to not respond. It may go against everything you feel within and seem wrong, but do not do it. Create a space of calmness and try these activities instead;

Write out all your thoughts and feelings uncensored. Shred the page.

Talk to a trusted friend and ask their opinion.

Go for a walk.

Practice deep breathing and stay in the present moment.

Pray.

Final Thoughts

The more you can build awareness, take responsibility and be specific, the better you can manage impulsivity. When you react out of fear or anger, take responsibility for your part. In unhealthy relationships, we contribute something to keep them going. Look at your own patterns and heal these.

You do not have to say yes to every request on your time and energy. If you are repeating your boundaries multiple times to the same person, it is time to detach and possibly disconnect from this person. You do not need or require another’s permission or approval to heal yourself. Remember, we are all on our own journey of healing. Some people will not be traveling with us.

You do not have to share every thought that comes into your mind. In fact, it is often best when you don’t.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

4 Ways to Tune In & Strengthen Your Powerful Intuition

“There is only one journey: going inside yourself.” This quote by Rainer Maria Rilke, captures the spirit of these times.

We are hearing large amounts of information about COVID-19. It is overwhelming. At this point, there is clear guidance for being around people for essential purposes. How do we handle smaller one on one interactions with family and friends? How will we go into businesses again and re-open our own business in what many are calling, “the new normal?” These answers have not been so clear. The powers at be are figuring this out as we go. Now is the time to think about how you are going to move forward as society re-opens.

Intuition will lead the way

I have my own ideas for a new way of being. Instead of telling you what I would do, I am going to write about how you can tune into your own inner wisdom. This way you can decide what is best for you and your family. Think of your intuition as your specialized inner guidance system. Your inner voice may give you a completely different message than my inner voice. This is okay. Some of you may choose to run out when society re-opens, while others choose to stay home more. There are no right or wrong answers, as long as your actions do not harm yourself or others.

If you are truly listening to your intuition, the messages will be based on peace and love. The more you listen, the stronger your voice becomes and you will receive more messages. Trust you are guided, even when you feel confused, unsure or afraid. Know you are not alone and allow spirit to speak through you.

4 Ways to Tune In & Strengthen Your Powerful Intuition (1)

  1. Allow– Make time and space for quiet, this will allow your mind and body to relax. You can create this at home or go into nature. Invite your higher power or spirit to speak clearly to you today. Remember, your inner voice guides you every day. This voice speaks softly, in order to hear, you need to slow down, listen and receive.
  2. Be Aware– Pay attention to the synchronicity around you and trust what you know. Write these signs in a journal, which will further confirm to you, spirit is with you. Your inner voice speaks in a tone of love and truth, not fear and control. The more peaceful the message, the stronger it is.
  3. Meditate- The practice of meditation will relax your mind, bring you a sense of inner peace and help you listen to inner guidance. It may take multiple sessions to achieve clearer thoughts, keep at it. You can find numerous meditations on You Tube and I have created special meditations for empaths on https://lisahutchison.selz.com/
  4. Write- Create a space of quiet and write down questions for your inner self. Take some deep breaths, center your energy and write your responses without judgement. Let the words flow from your soul onto the page.

Some questions to include:

What do I need right now?

What is my next step?

How can I create some happiness in my life?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. She is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at http://www.lisahutchison.net

7 Relationship Warning Signs to be Aware Of

7 relationship warning signs to be aware of

There have been numerous people in my life who have acted abusively. They have prevented relationships from continuing, controlled finances, hurt people I love and myself. It has been a long time since I have lived with a person who acted like this. As a result of these past experiences and my personality, I have no filter around this type of behavior when I witness it. Today, I am left out of relationships because of my speaking out about other’s control.

I write this blog in the hopes some one will read it and either prevent themselves from being abused or leave an abusive situation. Although, it does hurt to be excluded, I have a much happier life than I could ever imagine. Life does get better when you create distance between yourself and this type of behavior.

Relationship Imperfection

No one has the perfect relationship. It is through our connections with others we heal emotional wounds and grow spiritually. There are certain warning signs to be aware of in relationships that cross the line into unhealthy interactions. Trust what your body is telling you when your mind is confused. If the relationship you are in leaves you feeling exhausted, confused, helpless, hopeless, overwhelmed, angry or anxious on a regular basis, seek out support. Whether you begin with a licensed psychotherapist or a trusted confidante, find someone who is comfortable, safe and stable to share your experiences with.

It’s all roses

Every new relationship goes through a honeymoon phase, where everything feels wonderful. Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone is flowing. You feel seen, loved and acknowledged. As in all phases, this too must end. In a healthy relationship, there is a period of adjustment in which you accept the other person’s perceived flaws. In an unhealthy relationship, the partner sees these human imperfections and attempts to change you into who he or she wants.

Some of the warning signs:

1. Isolation– Your partner wants to be the center of your world. You are told specifically or it is implied to not have relationships with certain people.

2. No boundaries or space- Your partner takes up all or a majority of your time. He or she decides where you will go and who you will hang out with. When you spend time with others without your partner, you receive numerous texts, calls and messages from them. They say it is because they love you but it is a way to keep tabs on you, as a reminder of their presence.

3. You don’t engage in your hobbies or interests- Your partner decides which activities are important, not what is important to you. He or she discourages any event, unless they are a part of it.

4. The put downs- You are criticized on everything from how you look, to how you think and do things. Pretty soon you question your own judgment and abilities. This self esteem damage leads to learned helplessness where a person feels he or she can’t leave the relationship.

5. They make you dependent upon them- This can be done through controlling your finances or you depend upon them physically to take care of you. Some people create a psychological dependency in which you need to ask their permission to do anything.

6. Threats- Be aware of emotional manipulations such as; If you don’t_________, I will __________.  When there is an increase in arguments and conflict, abuse quickly escalates. Just one past instance of violence, sexually or physically, can give you the feeling you need to walk on eggshells. Remember, one instance of physical, sexual or emotional violence is not okay, ever.

7. You are love bombed again and again. After a period of abuse there is a return to a honeymoon phase. You will hear apologies and promises, yet nothing changes. This time you want to believe it will be better and different because this is the part of the relationship you love. The problem is, this stage does not last and soon it returns to more abuse.

☎️There is hope and there is help. If you are in an abusive relationship:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7/365 at 1-800-799-7233  

National Sexual Assault Hotline   1-800-656-4673

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 (TTY)

National Center on Elder Abuse

Other blogs with similar topics:

How to Stop Being Controlled and Get Empowered

Why Narcissists Overreact When They Don’t Get Their Way

How to Recognize Manipulation & Protect Your Energy

How to Successfully Deal with Passive Aggressive Behavior

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is the Amazon bestselling author of Setting Ethical Limits: For Caring and Competent Professionals. Lisa is a licensed psychotherapist, who has created a unique program to help compassionate people, who get emotionally, physically and spiritually drained; rejuvenate and protect their energies. Get her FREE Gift 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now! 

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Secrets- The good, the bad and the ugly

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When I was a teenager, I discovered a secret was kept from me. I found out and thought I could no longer trust those closest to me. The secret was revealed, talked about and processed. I forgot all about it until a recent dream and professional experience.

Empaths- the human lie detector

Due to your sensitivity, you are able to pick up on subtle to non-existent cues and know when someone is lying. Empaths are sometimes referred to as the human lie detector for this reason. Often you know something isn’t right, yet you don’t know what it is for sure.  For this reason, it is essential to trust your instincts and learn how to assert yourself.

You do not need to become a sleuth. If the Divine wants you to know something, it will be revealed to you. When you receive hidden information, sit with it and ask for Divine guidance about your next step. The biggest mistake I see my empath clients make is reacting and later regretting it.

Why do people keep secrets?

The reason people have for keeping secrets varies from the good, the bad, to the ugly. As a psychotherapist, I abide by confidentiality. Some would say I and those in my profession keep secrets. In a way, we do. There are many instances clients have shared information with me they would never share with their families or even friends. There are exceptions to this secret keeping in therapy, such as if a person is going to harm themselves or others and in cases of abuse or neglect.

Some people keep a secret because they believe it is protecting others. They rationalize that others could not handle the information because they are too fragile. This is ironic because it is often the secret keeper who cannot handle the other person knowing.

Others believe they are helping by not sharing certain information with you. They think you don’t need to know and would not benefit from knowing. This control of the message takes the decision out of your hands and keeps it with the secret keeper. Then there are those that withhold because they are afraid of another’s reaction. Some people are more deceptive and enjoying holding power of others. They know this is information you could use yet purposely keep it hidden.

Clinically and personally, I know for a fact the reason a person keeps a secret is never personal. It is a reflection of the person keeping the secret.

The damage secrets bring:

Secrets cause division – When a secret is kept it divides people into two camps; those who know and those who do not. Even the best secret keepers can leak out information non- verbally, which a sensitive person can pick up on.

Secrets destroy trust – You cannot have a healthy relationship without trust. An energy of suspicion, hangs in the air after a secret is unearthed. It leaves people with the thought; If you kept this a secret, what else are you keeping from me?

To Wrap It All Up

There is a saying you are only as sick as your secrets. If you are keeping information from someone, why? In this age of over sharing, there are parts of life that everybody does not need to know about you. In this case, it is more a matter of privacy. The question to ask is does this information hurt others or myself or does it help others and myself heal?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC- Licensed Psychotherapist and Writing Coach for Empaths & Artists. Keeping secrets are one of the many ways your energy gets depleted. Lisa works with professionals who often get drained from their helping efforts, recharge and rejuvenate their energy. Get her FREE gift 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos Now!  http://www.lisahutchison.net 

How to pick healing providers who are right for Empaths

How to pick healing providers who are right for Empaths

 

Only go to doctors, psychotherapists and healers you trust. Without trust, healing cannot happen. Word of mouth can be good, although nothing beats following your own intuition. Empaths require providers who are associated with these words; authentic, caring, professional, and trustworthy.

Recently, I went to a new provider, who was recommended to me by a friend. Although I was impressed with his punctuality, during our visit he was distracted and rushed. I would have preferred waiting for a doctor who thoroughly went through my health concerns and history. When I described why I was not doing a certain test at this time because of another health issue, he remarked, “That doesn’t make any sense.” I had the clarity in that moment to assert myself and say, “Yes, it does make sense and here is why.” He did not apologize. Needless to say, I will not be returning for another appointment with him.

Here are some factors to consider when choosing a provider

Trust -Feel comfortable with your providers’ skills and expertise. You need to feel at ease opening up and discussing what matters to you most, even if you disagree. When you are ill, you are vulnerable, this is why trust is at the top of the list.

Good listening and communication abilities- You want someone who is an accurate reflector. They hear what you say, comprehend it and can rephrase it back to you. When you speak is your provider looking you in the eyes and present with you? Do you feel connected non-verbally and verbally?

They care- Really care- When you are with your provider do you feel valued? Is this person compassionate and empathic when you express your concerns? If you feel judged, it is time to search elsewhere.

They got skills– Your provider is professional. This person is competent, has the knowledge and expertise in the area of medicine they practice within.

This person does a thorough examination with you. This includes reviewing your health history and checking it for accuracy. They have paperwork about their practice and go over it with you and answer any questions you have.

This person is flexible and understands that mental and physical health is not a one size all fits system. They are able to think outside the box and see you as a complete picture of mind-body-spirit.

Have a consultation call or appointment first. Take the fifteen to thirty minutes of time to get to know who you will be working with. Ask about their training and experience with your issues, how they do their work, specialties they have and inquire about their own self-care/healing.

Congrats!

You have found the right match for you when you feel comfortable and at ease. Trust your instincts. Remember if you go to a provider and he or she does not feel right for you, switch! I know I will and have in the past.

Where you need to keep an open mind

Two factors you may need to be flexible with is the cost of your service and distance to travel. Do not choose a provider based on a cheaper price because you may not get the service you desire. Also, do not go with convenience. Sometimes you have to travel a little further to connect with the right fit.

For more info: If you need more help with managing your sensitivity in today’s world, contact Lisa Hutchison LMHC for a free 30 minute consult call. She is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach for empaths and artists. Head on over to her website and get your free 10 page E-book, 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now! at www.lisahutchison.net 

 

 

 

How to Identify an Ideal Channel

A channel is someone who allows Spirit, also know as the Divine, to flow and work through them.  I channel spirit when I read angel cards, perform individual psycho-spiritual therapy sessions, write and teach.  I first learned how to channel spirit through my Reiki training.  It is essential that a channel work to be a clear receiver and sender in order to deliver the best information to you.  In addition to being an open, clear channel, I have listed additional qualities to consider when hiring or working with others because not everyone who is “spiritual” is healthy.

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1.) Ideal channels take care of themselves– They walk their talk by utilizing the healing modalities that they teach.  They seek out mentors and healers to keep themselves balanced.  They model what health looks like to others.  I feel strongly that I have done what I recommend.  It is very important to only recommend people and products that I trust.

2.) Ideal channels work from the heart space and not the ego– They do not create a dependency in which you need them.  After your time together you will feel lighter, motivated and inspired.  They give you the tools, trusting that your higher wisdom will lead the way.  Rather than tell you what to do they offer suggestions to empower you.  Your free will is respected at all times.  They do not take it personally when you choose differently than what they suggested.  They understand that there are many roads to healing.

3.) Ideal channels have great boundaries– They show up on time because they recognize that your time is valuable.  Which also means that they end sessions on time.  They minimize interruptions by shutting off their phone and focusing on you completely.  The healing space is honored as sacred, whether the session is taking place in person or by telephone.  This is not a time for them to share about their personal life unless it directly relates to your current situation.  There are times that sharing is a great healer because it shows us that we are not alone in our struggles.  Be aware that these sharing moments need to be brief , considering this is the time that you have paid for.  Your personal information is keep private.  They uphold your confidentiality.  If they need to cancel, notice is given. They return your phone calls within 24-48 hours and keep office hours.  If they are ill, they reschedule your session.

4.)Ideal channels clearly communicate– You know what to expect because the process is explained.  Whether it is a reading, class or individual session you start off knowing where you are going and have an idea of how you are going to get there.  You know what is happening, when it is happening and are asked to check in with any questions.  All fees and payment are clearly communicated up front before services take place.

Use your intuition when hiring or working with a channel or any type of light worker.  If at any time you feel uncomfortable, beyond the normal resistance which comes with any healing process, listen and leave.  Once you send out a desire to the Universe to connect with someone who can truly help you, you will receive.

Many Blessings!

Lisa xx

Lisa Hutchison works with Spirit to connect empathic helpers and artists to their own spirit and that of the Divine.  She offers individual psycho-spiritual therapy sessions  and angel card readings in person and by phone. Contact her at lisadhutch@verizon.net to schedule your appointment and for pricing.

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