3 Ways to Clear Emotional Burdens for Good

3 Ways to Clear Emotional Burdens for Good (1)

 

For most of my life, I felt burdened by responsibility. Being an empath, I was born sensitive to other people’s feelings and moods. When I saw someone struggling, I felt their struggle and dived in to help. In addition to this, I was taught as a child I could make my stepfather happy by changing my behavior.

This tuning into others’ moods created an unhealthy sense of responsibility in me. As I grew up, I was depleted of energy and became ill because I gave too much. I began to set boundaries refusing to do for others what they could do for themselves. Despite withdrawing physical support, I continued to carry an emotional support.

Even though, I was mindful of what I invested my physical time in, I caught myself putting energy into thinking about others too much. I worried, prayed and tried to come up with a solution for them. I knew I was caring too much when this emotional burden expressed itself as digestive disorders, sleep problems and a tension in my shoulders and upper back.

Here is how I cleared this emotional responsibility and you can too:

1. Be aware and acknowledge– Recognize this responsibility is not mine to carry. I began to see some of the frustration I felt was the other party who was upset when I didn’t do their work for them or give them the emotional attention they wanted. Once I became aware of this, I chose to let it go.

2. Accept others who lack integrity for who they are. Integrity means a lot to me. It is about keeping your word, following through and doing what you say. This energy builds trust in relationships. The healthy empath has integrity and can see through the facade to the true character of a person.

I am not saying people who lack integrity can’t change. When you see a pattern which represents a lack of integrity, pay attention and change your behavior. This lack of integrity energy is more intense in the world now because there are a lot of people not doing their spiritual work. This is not a judgment but rather a fact. I have made a personal decision to no longer take on their energy at an emotional level because the cost is too high for me.

3. Don’t contribute and allow for space– You have to learn how to let go of control and trust the process. Remember, this is not your problem to fix. Every person is capable of finding his or her own solution. You can offer counseling, guidance and then set your boundaries.

Do less physically and emotionally in relationships no matter how uncomfortable it is for you. Often this is easier said than done. Keep practicing. This can mean not stepping in to remind a capable adult to follow through. A missed call or late appointment can happen to anyone. The first time, I assume something went wrong which was out of the person’s control. After the 2nd and 3rd time, it is a pattern and a part of the person’s character. To continue to remind and rescue others, robs them of learning how to have integrity and drains you of precious energy.

To wrap it all up

Do an honest assessment. Are you a part of the problem or the solution? Enabling and doing for others what they can do for themselves stops your and their spiritual growth. Sometimes there is no solution if the other person refuses to change. You can find peace for yourself. In the end, you are only responsible for yourself and your own energy.

Here is another blog about caring too much which can help you:

What helpers like you need to know about burnout

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach for empaths and artists. She works with professionals who often get drained from their helping efforts, giving them the tools to recharge and replenish their energy. Get her FREE gift 8 Simple Things You Can Do That Release Chaos Now! at http://www.lisahutchison.net 

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21 thoughts on “3 Ways to Clear Emotional Burdens for Good

  1. Wonderful advice Lisa.. And it took me a long while to understand that what I was feeling was not always my own pain..
    We are often caught up in other peoples pain, we reach out trying to help, then get caught up emotionally..
    Learning that others are responsible for themselves and learning to detach is something we have to learn to do..
    But over the years this is what empaths have to do, to survive.. And like you say, its not easy to do.. And we often can slip back..
    But recognising energy is something we get to learn to do..
    Thank you and Good luck with your Book Lisa..
    Hugs and Blessings to you xx

    Like

    • Thank you Sue. It took me awhile to learn what an empath even was. When I grew up we didn’t have a term for this type of sensitivity, nevermind talk about energy protection techniques. I learned a lot through my spiritual studies and psychological training. Four years ago, I felt a call to share my knowledge with others. Here I am. Thanks Sue for your support with my writings and futurebook! Many blessings, Lisa xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It must have been very exhausting and painful for you! It is good you realized that helping too much makes your own life worse.
    I believe I never experienced such a problem. I always remind people that nobody is here to make them happy. Pleasing other people is not going to make anything better.
    Keeping word are 2 different things here in Canada and back in Latvia: I never had any issues with promises back there and I always ended up being frustrated here. After a while I realized that when somebody promises something here in Canada, they mean nothing really. They are just being polite. I will be there, I will come, I will do, etc. means nothing because all they wanted to do was to sound like a good person. That way they misled me so many times. I could not imagine before somebody not keeping their word. Back there it was simple: we had no problem saying “no”: I cannot do this, I do not want to attend this, I am tired, I do not have time or I am not interested. I never applied such as if yes, or maybe no tactics. I know some people assume me too direct or similar. In my opinion, one needs to stick to the truth.
    That also refers to trying to mend the entire world. That is nobody’s duty. Everybody is responsible for their actions and the resulting sequences.
    I see it also as some people taking advantage and the others allowing it to be this way.
    We know how some behaviors become patterns. Behaviors become also habits and after some time: help is expected or it is understood as somebody’s obligation.
    I personally think time to learn about these things is in early childhood starting with organizing and putting back toys at age of 2, allowing 3 year old to do things they need. Too much help when there is no need for help can damage people. They get used to it, they start taking it for granted.
    Everybody speaks about self-care recently. I would say it should never stop, even in sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Inese,

      You are correct trying to make others happy does not help as happiness comes from within. Thank you for sharing the cultural differences you experienced. I find it interesting as I only have lived in the US.

      Most of our behaviors are habitual.We can learn to be overly helpful or too dependent on other people doing for us. If we can make self care a habit, it would be wonderful.

      Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
      Blessings, Lisa

      Like

  3. Connected with your wisdom of “3. Don’t contribute and allow for space– You have to learn how to let go of control and trust the process. Remember, this is not your problem to fix. Every person is capable of finding his or her own solution. You can offer counseling, guidance and then set your boundaries.” I like to help and “fix” and I need to step away more often and let others JUST BE.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing Lisa.
    I agree with you on all points. WE tend to want to be able to ‘fix’ everyone but ourselves and we end up being emotionally and physically drained. The. We realise it’s not up to us to ‘change’ others. It is their responsibility to step up. All we can do is pray and encourage and be there.
    Thank you for putting it so clearly.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lisa, I appreciate this post, I went through a similar process with my family. I had to learn to do less and love more and it was not easy. One of the things I learned is that while my family trained me to be the caretaker, savior, rescuer and giver I also trained them to expect that from me and when i stepped back from that role they were at open rebellion! I had to go through that difficult period and retrain them that my life is my own, my time is my own, my efforts and energy are my own and there are times when I will gladly and joyfully give and times when I won’t but I always love them. I am learning, they are learning and it’s a new day!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love the question you ask Lisa, “Are you a part of the problem or the solution?” – when we enable others, it entangles us in their stuff. So much better to own our power with honesty and integrity. Great article!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ah! Lisa…it is as if your words could come directly out of my mouth! I understand…and I think this is a super post for anyone who FEELS other’s pain to the extent that you feel responsible. Sweet blessings…have a super weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

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