Narcissistic and empathic people are sensitive over feelers. Unlike an empathic person, a narcissist lacks compassion and pushes his or her negative feelings outward onto others, whereas empaths tend to be understanding and hold back their expression.
The narcissists’ focus is protecting their ego at all costs. Their over inflated ego often gets easily bruised because everything is personal to them, whether it is or not. I have had my struggles with narcissistic people as many of you have. Today, I mostly have compassion for them because they do not feel joy or love from their heart center and this is an empty way to live.
My personal background
I grew up with a narcissist, met many others along the road of life and still interact with a few. I learned everything revolves around them. I could not make any of them happy unless I gave up my values and beliefs, which I refuse to do.
Even those who sacrifice their happiness for the narcissist, never succeed. I am here to tell you, this is not a failure on your part. The truth is narcissists are miserable people. When they feel powerless, their focus is on their negative thoughts, jealousies, and insecurities.
A narcissistic personality does not want to hear any opinion contrary to theirs and they love giving unsolicited advice. This is where I have had problems because I speak up and voice my opinion in an assertive way. To the narcissist, any opposition or conflict is aggressive to them no matter how gently you present it. When you have to assert yourself, do it in a way you can hold your head up high because they will never be happy with you.
An inability to sit with negative thoughts
A narcissist often overreacts because he or she cannot sit with any negative feeling longer than a second or two. Instead, they push their thoughts out and project them onto a targeted person. The result is you feel uncomfortable and upset being on the receiving end of one of their tirades. Remember, this is their stuff!
Please note their feelings are not more painful or special than any other person on this Earth. It is their inability to sit and process that fuels their overreactions. In order to heal and grow, you need the ability to sit, pause and process feelings/thoughts. This is how everyone regulates emotions. If you cannot sit with a feeling/thought for more than a second, you will never be able to take ownership of it or responsibility.
A person with narcissistic traits (someone who does not met the full criteria for narcissistic personality diagnosis) could learn to sit with their feelings if they were highly motivated and aware. It is rare for a narcissist to attend therapy unless their spouse, someone in their family or their employer is giving them an ultimatum to do so. Once the narcissist is in the therapy office, he or she will make everyone else at fault because of their inability to take responsibility for feelings, thoughts and actions. This is why I work with the people who have been affected by a narcissistic personality because the narcissist rarely changes.
Insecurity-Their inferiority complex
At first, you may not see the seething rage and insecurity beneath because a narcissist is full of praise. They seem confident with their highly charismatic personalities and draw people to them easily. This is how many people, including myself have been fooled.
If they feel you can be useful to them, they will love you. You will become their hero and they will sing your praises from the rooftops. As soon as you set boundaries or disagree with their opinion, you are in for a mighty fall. I have been on both sides of the equation.
Here you are, now their enemy and the insults and little digs begin. This passive aggressive behavior is destructive over time and will drain you of energy. Professionals, like myself, recommend staying away from these personalities or at least minimizing your exposure to them. If you have to be around them, take everything they say with a grain of salt.
Jealousy-Their Green Eyed Monster
If a narcissist notices you are happy he or she will come at you full force, especially if you are on their sh** list. They will try to tear you down by dragging your name through the mud to anyone and everyone who will listen. In a struggle to regain your power, you may shoot back verbally. They can dish out insults but cannot take them. When they rage, pout or give you a silent treatment, this is when their ego feels most injured and their victim side emerges. At this point, they will seek out their allies or enablers asking them; why does she hate me? I didn’t do anything to her!
If you are in a relationship personally or professionally with a narcissist, protect your energies and seek your own psychological help. You can not change their outbursts. You can empower yourself by changing your own behavior and energy.
Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who works with empaths and artists. She helps professionals who often get drained from their helping efforts, recharge and rejuvenate their energies. Pick up her FREE gift 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos From Your Life Now here.