How to receive help when you’re a helper

How to Receive Help when You're a Helper (1)

 

I don’t know about you, I find it very difficult to ask for help. I have a strong ego that says, “I will do it myself.” My entire life I have taken pride in my independence. I know there are times that I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I asked for help. Now that my business is growing and I want to maintain my energy levels, I am asking for help more and more.

As a psychotherapist, I often guide my clients to ask for help. Do you notice as a helper it is almost as if you need permission to do so? We often reassure one another. It is okay to rest. It is okay to do less. It is okay to ask for help at work and at home. You don’t need anyone’s permission because you already are deserving and worthy of help.  

Where does the block to receiving help start?

You were born with an independent streak. You have an independent personality.  I remember being a small child wanting a teddy bear that was in the crib. Rather than ask for help, I reached my little arm through the bar and tried to get the bear out myself. If I remember correctly my arm got stuck!

You don’t want to be a burden or bother others. You have heard in the past a negative response when you asked for help or were manipulated with guilt. As an empath, you sense and know others are experiencing overwhelm and stress. Due to this awareness, you avoid speaking up and asserting your needs.

A fear of rejection. When you get the courage to ask for help, you feel vulnerable and sensitive with your ego. You imagine someone saying “no” as the worst case scenario. Do not give the word “no” so much power. It is okay if someone can not help you. There are a lot of other people out there in the world that can. To take the sting out of no, say, “Who can I ask next?”

You enjoy being the helper, not the one being helped. Some people attribute negative thoughts or feelings to needing help. You may think you are weak for needing help. It is a sign of strength to reach out and ask for help. There will be a time for each and every one of us when we need a little help from our friends.

How to ask for help

Know the signs of needing help. A good sign you need help is when you feel overwhelmed, tense and your energy is depleting. When this happens, think of the people who are in your circle. Who are the ones that offer the kind of help you need?

Pray to the Divine. Ask for a person with integrity to help you with your current situation and trust the Divine has brought him or her into your life. When this person arrives, give thanks and pay attention to the advice that is given. Remember you are never alone.

Ask! One benefit of asking for help is when others are not personally involved in your situation, they can offer unique solutions that you have not thought about. In order to receive, you have to start asking others for help and there is no perfect way to do it. You are going to have to learn how to ask while feeling uncomfortable because it isn’t natural for helpers to seek outside help. When someone says no, keep asking until you get the help you need.

The more specific you can be in your request, the better you can receive help. When you are able to be clear, people can understand your situation better. Be flexible and open, because sometimes a person can not help you as you requested but can help you in other ways. There were a few times I received a healing, I didn’t get what I wanted yet I got what I needed.

For more support and help contact Lisa. 

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts, refill and recharge their energy with psychotherapy, intuitive coaching and angel card readings. For more information visit her website at www.lisahutchison.net, while you are there get this FREE gift: 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now!

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The Truth about the 2 Types of Sensitivity

You are too sensitive! I heard that a lot when I was a child. Interestingly, I haven’t heard it at all as an adult. What changed? I learned to honor my sensitivity for the gift that it is. A part of that honoring lies in surrounding myself with people just like me. This world needs more sensitivity, let’s make sure we are joining together and flooding it with the best kind.

Your Sensitivity is Beautiful

Type 1: Empathy– This Divine gift comes from a deep sense of caring about others and feeling into their emotional or physical states. Empathy often manifests through psychic knowingness, visions and sensations. At times you may feel too much and become engulfed by the experience of empathy. You do not want to hide or get rid of your empathy, not like you really could anyways! After all, it is a part of who you are. You can protect and nurture this gift with proper boundary setting thereby decreasing overwhelm.

I want to give you a little heads up … As you grow older, your sensitivity will increase. I am not telling you this to cause anxiety but rather to give you awareness. This is not due to a failure in coping on your part but rather a spiritual progression of becoming more open. You can choose to look at this as an opportunity for learning new ways of protecting your precious energy, as I have.

Type 2: An Ego Imbalance– This kind of sensitivity comes from a sense of separation and presents as defensiveness and fear. Ego imbalances stem from psychological wounds that have not been addressed and are now getting projected outward onto others. You find this kind of imbalance with sensitivity in personality disorders such as narcissistic, histrionic, antisocial and borderline traits.

I have lived with both types of sensitivity. My step-father had an ego imbalance and I was born an empath, making our connection the perfect storm. I never knew what would set him off because anything could and it never made any sense. A lot of my time and energy growing up was spent trying to predict and avoid the conflicts that were to come. As an adult, I had to learn boundaries and detachment in order to not take on emotional responsibility which was not mine.

We all have both of these sensitivities, there is no judgment here. You need some ego for self-definition and you need empathy to have compassion for others. If you have type 1 you need to learn and practice self-trust through awareness, boundaries to protect your energies and assertiveness skills to voice your authentic self. If you are type 2 you need to learn and practice self- responsibility, relaxation skills and empathy.

More about Lisa Hutchison– Lisa works for empaths who often feel drained after their helping efforts refill and recharge their energy through counseling, writing and angel card sessions. As a licensed mental health counselor with over 15 years of experience, she helps sensitive souls not only survive but shine!  Get 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now! FREE as my gift to you. http://www.lisahutchson.net