How to not leave anything unsaid with loved ones

Death will touch all of our lives at some point, as it is a part of life. For myself, I learned about death when I was five years old and my Daddy died suddenly. I did not understand death, all I knew was he was here one moment and gone the next. My brother-in-law died when I was fifteen years of age, after three months of becoming ill. I learned early, why it is important to live life to the fullest and express my love to others. By the time, my Mom had her second severe stroke, we didn’t leave anything on the table. She died when I was thirty seven. I miss her but I don’t have any regrets. The same can be said with a couple of close friends of mine who have passed on to the other side.

These losses shaped how I view and live my life.  For example, I am an avid photographer because I enjoy capturing moments to savor later. During this time, I find myself cherishing these visual memories until we can all be together again safely. The most difficult part of social distancing is not hugging or being physically close to those you love. In this in-between time, we need to communicate our deepest feelings.

How to Boost Your Energy Vibration while Social Distancing (1)

Express your love verbally at every chance. Whether you have phone or video chats, tell your loved ones, “I love you.” Be vulnerable and open your heart.

“Be” with one another as much as you can- Talk about other topics besides the virus, politics and the supermarket. Although, these can be good ice breakers, dive deeper and be in the present moment with one another.

What do you personally need to say to your loved one? This answer may be different for each one of you. You may have said these things before but I urge you to say them again and again. If you are more comfortable with the written word, write your friend or loved one a letter or type an email.

Some wording to dive deeper can be:

  1. I love you- Express the warmth in your heart.
  2. Forgive me- Release regrets and move on.
  3. Thank you for__________________________. Express gratitude for who they are or what they have done.
  4. Remember when_______________________. Connect with fun memories.
  5. I admire you for_____________________. Be specific and tell them how proud you are of them.
  6. You have helped me with ___________________. Tell them how they have changed your life for the better.

Life is all about loving and letting go. At first, you may feel awkward having these types of conversations. Keep practicing, it will get easier and you will notice a change in yourself and all of your relationships. Give with all of your heart and you will never regret it.

Stay safe and I am thinking of you all.

Blessings, Lisa

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. She is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Why do we care when a celebrity dies?

I felt unsettled and upset when I heard Luke Perry died, at the age of fifty-two, from a severe stroke. Logically, I knew I didn’t know him and have never met him, but I felt a sense of loss. Being a licensed psychotherapist, I know it is normal to feel sadness and even to grieve a celebrity’s death. Often times, their death triggers an earlier unresolved loss within ourselves. When you are not aware of this, your original grief can get transferred onto a particular celebrity.

Why do we care when a celebrity dies_

A reflection of your own life

Shortly after hearing the news, I grabbed a pen and notebook. On the page, I spilled out a deep sadness which connected to my own personal experience. My Mom died after having two severe strokes. Each stroke happened without warning and left a path of devastation. Not only did these strokes change my Mom’s life, but also the entire family. Relationships once repaired were now ruptured again. This happened seven and a half years ago, I am still sifting through the rubble.

I know how a severe stroke touches all family members and in very different ways. I have empathy for the shock and emotional pain the family faces from such a sudden loss. Unlike Luke Perry, my Mom lived five months longer before her second severe stroke and heart attack. Again, there was no warning and this stroke left her unresponsive. 

Reminds you of your own mortality  

When a celebrity is close to your own age at the time of their death, it is only natural you begin to think of your own life. Luke Perry is close to my own age. Having multiple family members die young, this death reminds me of how fragile life is and of my own mortality.

A connection to your past

Most of you can connect actors or singers with special times in your life. Whether it was a song, a TV show or movie, it became a part of the important milestone you experienced.

I grew up watching Luke Perry on the TV show Beverly Hills 90210, every week. I often viewed the show with a group of girlfriends throughout high school. We would gather at one house, with snacks and hushed voices, hanging on every word. The tradition continued in college. A group of us met in my dorm room huddled around the TV. The door to our room would be left open because it was hot in there. You could hear all the way down the hallway the same show being broadcasted. A part of my young adult life is now gone, along with many past relationships with the girls. As, you can see there can be multiple levels of grieving that occur.

A sense of community with your grief

I am not one to share on social media how a celebrity death affects me, although I have written this blog post. Many people find comfort posting about their celebrity crushes and connecting about the loss. Often grief is a solitary activity, you don’t have to feel alone in today’s world. You can see how other people care about the celebrity’s death as much as you do and bond together.

An opportunity to heal

Although you may never know the celebrity you grieve for, their passing can be a trigger to your own emotional wounds. In their death, unknowingly, they offer you an opportunity to look in the mirror and heal past pain.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Lisa is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. Pick up her FREE gift 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now!  at http://www.lisahutchison.net

 

 

Are you feeling pressure to do more with life?

Many sensitive souls I work for feel pressure to do more with their life. This burden can originate from your own internal process but also external forces, such as parents, relatives and friends. One common theme is a drive to move forward in some great way, yet you are unsure of what that is or where you are going. This weight is felt emotionally and can be expressed as restlessness, anxiety and depression.

Are you feeling pressured to do more in life-

 

My personal story

For me, this stress began in childhood. I was born an empath and experienced my father’s sudden death when I was 5 years old and my brother-in-law’s death when I was 15 years old. From these experiences, I felt I don’t have a lot of time in life. In some ways this awareness has made my life richer and more beautiful because I push myself to not have any regrets. In other ways, it has caused me great pain.

Trauma theorists in the psychology world would say a part of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is believing that you will not have a normal life span or in technical terms, a foreshortened future. What happens when you only have this one symptom? One symptom of PTSD does not qualify anyone for a diagnosis.

In the recent year alone, I had two friends die suddenly. Adding this to my mother’s death over 5 years ago, I see how life can change in the blink of an eye and death has touched me very deeply. Death has manifested in me a compulsion to achieve. I need to hurry up, get things done and make my mark on this world before I am out. I am sharing my personal experience because I know others of you are out there who also pressure yourselves for this reason and others.

Reasons why you feel pressured to do more in life

  • Empaths are born healers, who need to become more visible with their gifts, yet often hide them and avoid public exposure. One theory is this restlessness comes from your soul to get you moving and put yourself out there more. Yet, you will be no good to anyone else if you burnout from self-imposed pressure. Read more about burnout here: What helpers like you need to know about burnout 
  • You worry that you are not doing enough with your life. This inferior thinking leads you to compare yourself to others or feel something is missing. What worsens this effect are milestones such as deaths, birthdays, reunions, weddings and births for yourself or those close to you. These events get you thinking about life, regrets and how fast time seems to be moving.
  • You are experiencing post-traumatic stress. You experienced trauma around a life threatening event or a death and are now experiencing symptoms such as startle responses, nightmares, avoidance of triggers that remind you of the trauma, emotional numbness, a sense of a foreshortened future and anxiety. You have flashbacks which put your mind back into the scene of the trauma and feel stuck reliving it through your thoughts and feelings.
  • You are psychic. It could be you are predicting your own shortened life. I have often felt this way. Unfortunately, you will not know you are right until you are on the other side.

What to do

There is a lot of healing that needs to be done in this world, the best place to start is with yourself. When you become overwhelmed with the wounds of others, make an appointment to heal your own. If you are experiencing trauma symptoms, make an appointment with an empathic psychotherapist or healer.

There is no perfect life. Learn to live from your heart and not your head. Become aware of the pressured thinking, stop it in its tracks and focus on what is right in front of you. No one knows how much time any of us have on Earth, relax and enjoy it as much as you can. Trust that there is time and space to do everything you need to do according to divine planning.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone’s life has challenges, do not get sucked into the hype of social media where everything looks great. That is one snapshot of a person’s day, it does not tell the entire story of their life. Compare yourself to yourself 6 months or a year ago and use that as a measure of success.

To wrap things up

Life is short and we live in an uncertain world. The key is to become aware of the thinking that causes you to suffer and learn to drop down into your heart space. Focus on your breath, relax and let go with each exhale. Enjoy this ride called life as much as possible, for this is how you end your life with no regrets.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts, refill and recharge their energy with intuitive counseling and angel card readings. For more information visit her website at www.lisahutchison.net, while you are there get this FREE gift 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now!