What is an Ambiguous Loss?

October 17, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC grief/loss, psychology, trauma ambiguous loss, disenfranchised grief, grief

An ambiguous loss occurs when a relationship or connection that was significant to you ends, without a clear understanding or closure. “Ambiguous loss is a loss that remains unclear. The premise of the ambiguous loss theory is that uncertainty or a lack of information about the whereabouts or status of a loved one as absent or present, as dead or alive, is traumatizing for most individuals, couples, and families”(Boss, 2007).

Since, the details of the loss remain unknown, it is this uncertainty which prolongs the grieving process. You are left wondering, do I continue to hold on or let go? Many people hold out hope that the relationship or connection will return to normal, while others begin the letting go process.

A Disenfranchised Grief

Since this is not a clear cut type of loss, such as when a person dies from an illness, many in society do not consider these types of “death” as significant. A disenfranchised grief is one that is unrecognized and undervalued in our society. When grief is not acknowledged and given space to air out amongst others, it worsens a person’s mood, functioning and relationships. People who experience ambiguous losses and disenfranchised grief often second guess their feelings, experience anger, shame or even guilt, just for having normal grief feelings.

Examples of Ambiguous Losses

We all have experienced some form of ambiguous loss in our lives. Here are some examples.

Lost or missing pets, those who don’t return home
Trauma
Mental or Physical Illness
Disconnection or estrangement from family or friends
Moving
Loss of employment
A person who is alive but not physically present (Dementia, Alzheimer’s Disease, Substance Abuse/Addictions)

There are many more examples of ambiguous loss than listed above but I wanted to give you an idea about the types of loss that compromise this type of grief. Remember, if others do not recognize your loss as significant, it is important you do. There are many empathic helping professionals that can support you in this process.

References

Boss, P. (2007) Ambiguous Loss Theory: Challenges for Scholars and Practitioners. Family Relations (56.)

Have you experienced an ambiguous loss?

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

Why Change and Grief Go Hand in Hand

September 12, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC grief/loss, psychology, trauma change, coping

Life is full of change. Examples of change are experiencing the death of a loved one or pet, ending a close friendship, changing jobs, moving to a new location, perimenopause/menopause, illness and more. Any type of transition can be difficult because it requires some form of loss. When the ground shifts from the familiar to the unknown, it is not surprising to experience insecurity and fear. Some people have multiple changes at once, which compounds the stress, anxiety and sadness.

The Grieving Process

Changes initiate the grieving process. The nature of change requires something or someone dies in order for new life to be born. Often a piece of yourself dies and you experience a loss. It is not the change itself but rather the loss that brings up experiences of grief and trauma that require healing. During periods of change, it is not unusual to feel sad, depressed, shocked, or angry during this process. All the feelings you experience during the grieving process can be experienced during any major transition or change. This is normal.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ book on Death & Dying discussed the five stages of dying which became The Five Stages of Grief. These stages are in no particular order and you can cycle through these stages even within the same hour. These are meant to be a roadmap of expression.

Denial- Shock and denial cushion the pain and help you survive the loss.

Anger- Expressing anger in healthy ways is important. Anger is an indication of the passion and hurt you feel.

Bargaining- In an attempt to control the loss, you reach out and ask God/the Universe for a deal. During this phase or stage you may ask yourself “if only” questions and may feel guilty. At this point you are trying to not feel the pain of the loss.

Depression- Feelings of the loss set in. You may feel an emptiness without the person or thing in your life. It is not unusual to feel sad, lonely, loss of motivation, changes in eating habits and problems with concentration, to name a few experiences, in this stage.

Acceptance- Acceptance does not mean you feel okay about the loss but rather you acknowledge the person or thing is no longer in your life and you are now living in a new reality.

David Kessler who worked with Elizabeth Kubler Ross, developed a sixth stage of grief known as Meaning. This is the remembrance and keeping our loved one or the memory of the experience alive. His book is here on Amazon, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief , if you are interested in checking it out. I know I will.

How to Find your Center

Try to keep your routine as much as possible. This means eating meals, exercising and doing the necessary self-care to take care of you. As you become more accustomed to the change, you will add more and more to your list.

Seek out friends and support. Sometimes the last thing you want to do is connect to others but other people can offer you love, support and caring. You will want familiar faces when other aspects of your life are changing.

Feel your feelings. It is ok to feel depressed, sad or angry. You may also feel excited and happy. It is all good. Feelings are transitory, they come and go. The more you repress and hold onto a feeling, the more stressed your body system becomes. It is the resistance to feelings that keeps you stuck. Feel the feeling and allow it to move through you.

Focus on gratitude. Make a list daily of what you have and are thankful for, This will help you focus on the good around you.

Do a releasing ceremony or ritual. It is important to honor the loss. This can be formal ceremony or informal through letter writing. Express all your feelings and then burn the letter safely.

Be kind to yourself. Remember you are doing the best you can. We all navigate change differently. Take as much time as you need to acclimate to your new way of life.

How Can You Honor Your Feelings During Change?

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

How to Be Hopeful in Tough Times

March 16, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, grief/loss, psychology, relationships, trauma empath, hopeful, psychology, self-care

Hope fuels a sense of purpose and energy. You know without a doubt, I can do this! With the human brain’s tendency to focus more on the negative, it can be challenging to find hope in tough times. If you have doubts or despair, the good news is you can build and develop an optimistic thinking style. Throughout this blog, I will reference research and material from a recent continuing education training I attended from Dr. Jaime Kurtz.

Why Choose Hope?

According to research, when you are realistically hopeful, you are more relaxed. (Kurtz, 2022).

Your brain wants to explore possibilities through play and creativity.
You find it easier to problem solve and grow.
You experience better health and a stronger immune system.
Hopeful people are more sociable, well liked, are better leaders and even make more money.
Hopeful people cope better with setbacks and have better marriages.

Why Being Hopeful isn’t Always Easy

Remember how I said, the brain has a tendency to focus more on the negative than the positive? It takes at least three positives to overcome one negative. For some of us, who are more sensitive, it may take even more. This emphasizes the importance of protecting your energies from lower vibrations, moods and thoughts, including yourself and others.

Our routines and habits often get in our way. When under stress, we tend to fall into habitual patterns of thinking and doing. There is a upside and downside to this. Habits can shield the brain from harm or too much input. The unfortunate part is we often turn to mindless behaviors, such as scrolling endlessly through social media, obsessively watching the news, thinking pessimistically, ruminating or worrying and even eating comfort foods. All of these activities keeps you stuck and at times feeling hopeless.

Let’s just admit it…life can be really, really hard. For this reason, we can lose hope easily. The realistic aspects of living life can bring your mood down. People have financial stress, health issues, relationship problems, etc. When you are a helper, in the role of healing others, you can absorb other’s negativities and lower energies.

How Can I Be More Hopeful?

A part of being hopeful is changing how you think. According to Dr. Jaime Kurtz, an optimistic thinking style has four elements.

Temporary- Knowing whatever you are experiencing will pass.
Local- Thoughts are focused only on your current situation and no other.
Not Personal- You know this is not entirely my fault.
Controllable- There IS something I can do about this.

Stress management or filling your cup is essential. This can be unique to each one of you. Find activities that nourish and replenish you. Some ideas are exercise, being in nature, listening to music, or practicing a hobby. If you haven’t seen my book, I Fill My Cup: A Journal For Compassionate Helpers, you may want to check it out. As Kurtz states, “Hopeful people engage in more preventative behaviors.”

Pennebaker (1997) discusses the power of story telling to increase hope. The instruction is to construct a clear narrative of what you want and how you might get it. You can write or tell your story to a trusted friend, coach or counselor.

Reframing your thoughts- Think of a previous hopeless or negative situation that has happened. Next name three things that help you see the bright side of life because you did not get what you wanted.

Spend more time with hopeful and positive people. As many of you absorb the lower energies from others, you can also absorb or take in the positive energies. Choose wisely.

Being hopeful may not be easy, but it is possible. YOU CAN DO IT!

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

REFERENCE: Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process.
Psychological Science, 8, 162-166.

Healing Chronic Pain with the Archangels

February 15, 2022 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Angels, Empath Toolkit, grief/loss, manifestation, trauma Angels, Archangels, chronic pain, manifestation

Pain can be physical but also mental, emotional or spiritual. This discomfort is not a punishment but rather a calling to heal a part of your inner being. In the grips of pain, it is difficult to separate the experience of suffering from spiritual enlightenment. Often the two extremes feel very far apart. As each person’s journey through temporary and chronic pain is unique, there are also many paths to healing.

Temporary vs. Chronic Pain

Temporary pain is a signal sent from the nervous system communicating something is out of balance and needs correcting. For example, when your hand touches a hot stove, you instinctively move it out of the way. The result is a physical burn which damages the skin and sometimes the nerves. This injury requires first aid and time to heal. Unless your burn is severe, your hand would recover and this pain experience would be forgotten overtime.

Chronic pain for a multitude of reasons, no longer responds to the correction and becomes stuck in a negative feedback loop. This is not to say, you cannot find relief. Your solution may come in a different form than you expect, such as holistic medicine or a combination of holistic and traditional forms.

My Journey

I have been connected with the angels since childhood. Like many of you, I have experienced temporary and chronic pain. Through meditation and prayer, the angels have offered me hope, direction to new healers and doctors, and suggestions for self-care. The angels have encouraged me to work with others in pain to help them. The most important tool you will utilize on your healing journey is your instinct or gut knowingness. If a person or a treatment feels right for you, speak up and try it.

Archangels Who Can Help

Archangel Gabriel will help you communicate your thoughts and feelings to doctors and healthcare professionals. Pain can be linked to repressed emotions and psychological trauma. Learning how to express your feelings through creativity and the spoken word, will benefit your healing.

Archangel Michael will help you release fear, give you the motivation to keep going and the courage to try something new. Many times when pain strikes, our fear response heightens the experience. You may also feel fearful trying a new doctor, healer or treatment. Change feels scary to many of us, even if it helps. If you try something new and it does not work, speak up and try something else or take a break from it. Remember, you always have a choice.

Archangel Raphael is the number one angel for all health concerns physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Pray to Raphael for healing and to direct you to the best doctors and healers for your condition. Follow Raphael’s advice, even if it is getting more fresh air or being in the sunlight. Being out in nature, can do wonders for our health on all levels by increasing healthy levels of oxygen and receiving that all important Vitamin D from the sun.

There are many other Archangels not mentioned here, although I wanted to discuss the main ones I have worked with for chronic pain. Remember to also pray to your guardian angel. Each person has at least one guardian angel who has been with them since birth. No matter who you ask for help, know your request for healing and help has been heard. You are never alone. Pay attention to the signs and synchronicities you receive and take action. You are worth it!

Other blogs you may be interested in reading:

Why Archangel Gabriel is the Best Writer’s Angel

Why Angels are Important in the Manifestation Process

Hope Is The Most Important Ingredient In Healing

How to Find Pain Relief Through your Mind

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

Get Rid of Unending Fatigue with These Four Powerful Types of Rest

November 22, 2021November 22, 2021 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, grief/loss, psychology, trauma burnout, compassionfatigue, healing, ptsd, Vicarioustrauma

Resting is not about being unmotivated but rather it is one of the best self-care tools to rejuvenate and restore your energy. Healthcare workers and helpers are experiencing compassion fatigue, burnout and vicarious trauma at alarming rates. For this reason alone, rest is more important than ever. Remember, you are worthy of and deserve rest. The more you take care of you, the better you can help others. I will discuss four different types of rest and why you need to practice all of them.

Mental Rest

Our minds were created to think, this is just what the brain does. There is no way to stop your thoughts but you can choose which thoughts you will entertain. Too much thinking about what you should do, all or nothing thinking, or imaging the worst case scenario, can burn you out. When you notice these types of faulty thoughts, stop and refocus the mind on something neutral or positive.

Schedule short breaks throughout your day. Some ways to rest your mind are gazing out the window, going for a short walk or taking a few, conscious deep breaths.

Shut off your phone and social media shortly after dinner. Electronics can overstimulate the mind and cause sensory overload, especially to a mind that has been working overtime all day. Set a shut off schedule and keep to it.

Physical Rest

Are you pushing your body beyond its limits? Many empathic helpers do. Your body speaks to you in many ways through pain, tension and even illness. Learn to listen to your body’s signals and respond in a compassionate way to yourself.

Spend time relaxing and doing nothing. I know this feels lazy especially when you have so much to do but your physical body will thank you for it. If you are not getting adequate sleep, take a nap or lay down for fifteen to twenty minutes. During this time you can focus on your breath or listen to soothing music.

Emotional Rest

Emotional rest is essential for empathic helpers and artists, who people please. When your focus is outwardly directed on feelings, you can have a tendency to absorb too much energy from other people.

You need periods of downtime and solitude. Use this time to connect to your inner most feelings. Write in a journal or simply identify what you are feeling in this moment right now. Also, connect with emotionally supportive people, therapy or healers to help you restore your energy.

Spiritual Rest

Spiritual rest is important for those who connect to the world of spirit. Without proper clearing, protection and channeling techniques, an empathic helper can suffer.

Make time to meditate. Focus on all of those people who accept, love and support you unconditionally throughout your life. Take in this positive energy. Some other ways to restore are pondering about your life purpose, spending time in prayer, attending a silent retreat and walking amongst nature.

You may also be interested in 7 Simple Ways to Calm an Over Stimulated Mind or Important Information About How Your Senses Get Overloaded

What will you do to rest mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually?

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

How Being at the Beach Surprisingly Encouraged My Health

September 29, 2021 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, grief/loss, health/wellness, psychology empath, grief, trauma

I found myself at a familiar place this morning, one of our local beaches. Remembering all the times a beach, pond, river or lake has supported me emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally, I felt at ease. Growing up in Massachusetts, we often went to Wollaston beach in Quincy or Nantasket beach in Hull. I loved playing in the sand and the surf. As I grew older, we went to White Horse beach in Plymouth. My preference was to bake in the sun and hang out with the teenagers my age. As an adult, I find the most solace in walking the beach, when it is off season.

The beach saved my life

Once in my twenties, I had suicidal thoughts. Rather than acting on them, I got in my car and drove to the beach. This was a dark time of uncovering past abuse and facing the fact that some people I thought I could trust, denied the reality I lived through. My world was broken and my sense of self was shaken. I remember standing out at the water’s edge, praying to God for help. It was a slow road but I was supported and guided away from these thoughts, to health. I am grateful to not have acted on these thoughts and have a career that has helped many others, in their healing journey.

The beach helped me grieve

The summer after my brother-in- law died, I was fifteen years old. I often went to the beach with my sister, nephew and niece. It was nice to have a sense of normalcy and be around people without having to talk to them. Despite my sadness and loss, I could reconnect to the present moment through my five senses. I felt the warmth of the sun, sand and water on my body. I heard the seagulls and surf. I saw the beautiful blue sky, waves and brown sand. I smelled the salty air, coconut oil and suntan lotions. I tasted the salty air and sandwiches we brought for lunch. I found myself again at the beach every month for a year, after my Mom’s death.

The beach is my church and home

I found a special connection to God and my soul at the beach. This place calms and grounds me. As soon as I walk out on the sand, I am received, held and supported. Slowing down, I receive guidance and marvel in the beauty of this life.

I find myself being drawn back to the beach because of the ongoing pandemic, political divides, worldly issues and even my own uprising within, known as perimenopause. All of these instances, hold a grief but on a different level. l know without a doubt, the beach supports all of this and me too. I am truly grateful to live so close to a variety of water bodies.

For Empaths: A Special Section

Water in any form is highly healing for empaths. I know many of you may not live near natural bodies of water, but you can incorporate water into your daily energy routine. These practices help you clear others’ energies, hydrate, ground and release what you no longer need.

How has water or a body of water helped you heal?

Check out my YouTube Channel: Lisa Hutchison LMHC

How to not leave anything unsaid with loved ones

May 4, 2020 Lisa Hutchison LMHC grief/loss, psychology, relationships, trauma authenticity, communication, coronavirus, death, grief, relationships, social distancing

Death will touch all of our lives at some point, as it is a part of life. For myself, I learned about death when I was five years old and my Daddy died suddenly. I did not understand death, all I knew was he was here one moment and gone the next. My brother-in-law died when I was fifteen years of age, after three months of becoming ill. I learned early, why it is important to live life to the fullest and express my love to others. By the time, my Mom had her second severe stroke, we didn’t leave anything on the table. She died when I was thirty seven. I miss her but I don’t have any regrets. The same can be said with a couple of close friends of mine who have passed on to the other side.

These losses shaped how I view and live my life. For example, I am an avid photographer because I enjoy capturing moments to savor later. During this time, I find myself cherishing these visual memories until we can all be together again safely. The most difficult part of social distancing is not hugging or being physically close to those you love. In this in-between time, we need to communicate our deepest feelings.

Express your love verbally at every chance. Whether you have phone or video chats, tell your loved ones, “I love you.” Be vulnerable and open your heart.

“Be” with one another as much as you can- Talk about other topics besides the virus, politics and the supermarket. Although, these can be good ice breakers, dive deeper and be in the present moment with one another.

What do you personally need to say to your loved one? This answer may be different for each one of you. You may have said these things before but I urge you to say them again and again. If you are more comfortable with the written word, write your friend or loved one a letter or type an email.

Some wording to dive deeper can be:

I love you- Express the warmth in your heart.
Forgive me- Release regrets and move on.
Thank you for__________________________. Express gratitude for who they are or what they have done.
Remember when_______________________. Connect with fun memories.
I admire you for_____________________. Be specific and tell them how proud you are of them.
You have helped me with ___________________. Tell them how they have changed your life for the better.

Life is all about loving and letting go. At first, you may feel awkward having these types of conversations. Keep practicing, it will get easier and you will notice a change in yourself and all of your relationships. Give with all of your heart and you will never regret it.

Stay safe and I am thinking of you all.

Blessings, Lisa

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. She is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at http://www.lisahutchison.net

How to Regain Balance When Your World Falls Apart

January 3, 2020 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, grief/loss, health/wellness, psychology, relationships, trauma faith, grief, health, illness, relationships

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”-Robert H. Schuller

From November into December, my sense of security was disrupted. I felt like a shaken snow globe and I didn’t know where all of the pieces swirling around me were going to land. It began with a sudden health issue. While I was going to doctors, changing my diet, taking medications and being prescribed more tests, I had some relationship conflicts and then a sudden death in the family.

The more I tried to control my health situation and relationships, the more my world fell apart. Like many empaths, I shifted into overthinking because the feelings of overwhelm were too much. This was not working. I began to develop a deeper trust in myself and the Divine. I am happy to report, I am feeling better and am optimistic I will continue to improve. Here are a few steps I took to regain equilibrium, perhaps you will find them helpful too.

1.) Admit this sucks. Being a spiritual person, I work to be positive. This isn’t about being cheerful, it is about being real. Sometimes you have to be in the sh**. You will let others down and you will not get to do all the things you want to, right now.

Remember, you are in a place of suffering, but it will pass. Everything in this world is temporary. When you accept and acknowledge this state of the situation, it often shifts.

2.) Accept the out of control aspects of the situation and look for what you can control. Dust off that Serenity Prayer and begin to use it. The only person you can control is you and your choices.

Educate yourself about this situation and ask professionals for their advice. Be aware of too much research, which can turn into an obsession. Get off the Google search engine and step away.

Take steps to nurture yourself. Go to bed early and keep a lighter schedule. Say no to others like never before.

3.) Pray for others and yourself. Often it helps to take the focus off of yourself and help others. Pick five people each day who are in need of healing. Pray for these people specifically by name and in detail. Take five minutes for this practice. This is more than writing a passing thought of care on social media, this is about Divine connection. You can pray for the same person multiple times a week or different people.

If you are stuck on who to pray for scroll through your social media feed to find friends, who are reaching out for support through their posts.

4.) Be mindful. Practice deep breathing and meditate daily. Relaxation practices support health and healing. Stay grounded in your body as much as you can. This will create an inner sense of security. Listen to your inner wisdom and act on it. You may also want to read 6 Ways to Reconnect to the Body & Feel Secure

5.) Seek out supportive relationships. You do not need a lot of people, look for one or two. If you have one or two people, who you can share your difficulties with, this will be a source of healing for you. When you begin to share with too many people, you receive a lot of unsolicited advice, which can drain your energy.

6.) Focus on what you have. Gratitude can be healing. Keep it to five things a day. You can combine this with a few positive affirmations. If this feels forced, go back to steps one through five.

Remember you will get through this, you are strong and you are not alone.

If you need assistance, support or an empathic ear, I am available for psychotherapy, spiritual coaching sessions and angel card readings.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Lisa is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now at http://www.lisahutchison.net

How I Grieved My Client’s Death with Letter Writing

August 5, 2019 Lisa Hutchison LMHC Empath Toolkit, grief/loss, psychology, relationships, writing Clients death, confidentiality, countertransference, grief, therapy, unfinishedbusiness, writing

Confidential Connections

When a client dies, it presents a unique situation for a therapist. Due to confidentiality, many counselors choose to not openly mourn with their client’s family and friends. The reason for this would be because of the common question; how do you know the deceased? This puts the counselor in an uncomfortable situation of lying or breaking confidentiality, which would be unethical.

Confidentiality never dies and it is a counselor’s duty to protect the client’s identity and what was said in session long after the client’s death. Over my seventeen year career, I have experienced client death due to cancer, aging and suicide. There is no formal training on how to deal with client loss. If you are a counselor long enough, you will face your client’s death, at least once.

I was going through some old papers and found a letter I wrote. This letter was never sent because it was written to a deceased client. I am publishing a part of this letter to show how therapy can go beyond the clinical parameters set forth through our profession. As humans, we experience a variety of emotions and connections through our work. Only a small portion of these are discussed behind the closed doors of a supervision session, most remain within the therapist. The names and situations have been changed to protect confidentiality.

Putting Pen to Paper- The Letter

Dear Paulette,

Did you get the card? Before I left for vacation, I sent you a get well card with dogs on it because I know they are your favorite animal. When I returned from vacation, I had a message from Roger telling me to call him. I knew about your scheduled surgery but I had no idea you died.

I have many questions about your physical health and illness, which will go unanswered. I know you would have stayed longer, if you could. You were a fighter and would not give up easily. I wish I knew sooner you were dying and we could say a final goodbye. Perhaps, you did not know you were dying at this point?

I never shared with you how you helped me grow as a person. Through our sessions, I developed patience and insight. There were many times, I found it difficult to sit with the rigidity, defensiveness, and control. We both stayed and worked through these times.

During those difficult exchanges, you reminded me of a family member. This is known as countertransference in our field, when a client reminds the therapist of unfinished business in her own life. I didn’t know how to sit with her anger and blame, without feeling drained. You helped me to see I can do this and not take what was said personally.

We did have some laughs despite the conflicts and came to a place of more calm. Today, I would hug you and say, “You matter to me, not only as a client but as a person.” I saw your soul beneath all of that fear.

The last time we spoke, I called your hospital room. You told me, “Don’t give up my time space in your schedule.” I responded, “I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to lose you as a client,” and I meant it. After your death, I had to fill in your time slot, although, there will always be a space in my heart that is only yours. You will live on as a part of me, due to our work together.

I know you are at peace and this gives me comfort. You are now reunited with your parents, whom you often spoke about. I sent Roger, who knew about your treatment, a sympathy card. I feel you would approve. Your family will miss you and so will I.

Sincerely,

Lisa

Pick up her FREE gift 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now! at http://www.lisahutchison.net

Why do we care when a celebrity dies?

April 1, 2019April 2, 2019 Lisa Hutchison LMHC grief/loss, psychology, relationships celebrity, death, empathy, grief, healing, LukePerry, stroke

I felt unsettled and upset when I heard Luke Perry died, at the age of fifty-two, from a severe stroke. Logically, I knew I didn’t know him and have never met him, but I felt a sense of loss. Being a licensed psychotherapist, I know it is normal to feel sadness and even to grieve a celebrity’s death. Often times, their death triggers an earlier unresolved loss within ourselves. When you are not aware of this, your original grief can get transferred onto a particular celebrity.

A reflection of your own life

Shortly after hearing the news, I grabbed a pen and notebook. On the page, I spilled out a deep sadness which connected to my own personal experience. My Mom died after having two severe strokes. Each stroke happened without warning and left a path of devastation. Not only did these strokes change my Mom’s life, but also the entire family. Relationships once repaired were now ruptured again. This happened seven and a half years ago, I am still sifting through the rubble.

I know how a severe stroke touches all family members and in very different ways. I have empathy for the shock and emotional pain the family faces from such a sudden loss. Unlike Luke Perry, my Mom lived five months longer before her second severe stroke and heart attack. Again, there was no warning and this stroke left her unresponsive.

Reminds you of your own mortality

When a celebrity is close to your own age at the time of their death, it is only natural you begin to think of your own life. Luke Perry is close to my own age. Having multiple family members die young, this death reminds me of how fragile life is and of my own mortality.

A connection to your past

Most of you can connect actors or singers with special times in your life. Whether it was a song, a TV show or movie, it became a part of the important milestone you experienced.

I grew up watching Luke Perry on the TV show Beverly Hills 90210, every week. I often viewed the show with a group of girlfriends throughout high school. We would gather at one house, with snacks and hushed voices, hanging on every word. The tradition continued in college. A group of us met in my dorm room huddled around the TV. The door to our room would be left open because it was hot in there. You could hear all the way down the hallway the same show being broadcasted. A part of my young adult life is now gone, along with many past relationships with the girls. As, you can see there can be multiple levels of grieving that occur.

A sense of community with your grief

I am not one to share on social media how a celebrity death affects me, although I have written this blog post. Many people find comfort posting about their celebrity crushes and connecting about the loss. Often grief is a solitary activity, you don’t have to feel alone in today’s world. You can see how other people care about the celebrity’s death as much as you do and bond together.

An opportunity to heal

Although you may never know the celebrity you grieve for, their passing can be a trigger to your own emotional wounds. In their death, unknowingly, they offer you an opportunity to look in the mirror and heal past pain.

Lisa Hutchison LMHC is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Lisa is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach who helps sensitive souls not just survive but shine. Pick up her FREE gift 8 Simple Things That Release Chaos from Your Life Now! at http://www.lisahutchison.net