Impulsive decisions can wreak havoc on your boundary setting and relationships. When you act without thinking, you can contradict the very limit you were attempting to set with someone. This leaves you appearing to negate what you previously said or did for others. Understandably, people will question whether you have integrity or if you can be trusted.
People in today’s world are more impulsive. Many of us react to whatever is seen or said, without pausing to think first. We expect and some of us demand, instant gratification. I see impulsive behaviors on social media, whether it is reactions to posts, posting without thinking and even expecting an instant answer or response through messages. Sometimes people get blocked, ghosted or impulsively cut out of others’ lives.
Impulsivity as a Symptom
Addictive behaviors thrive on impulsivity. This can include people pleasing, social media, along with any type of substance or alcohol abuse. Many mental health issues feature impulsivity as a symptom. Some are bipolar/mania, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Cluster B personality disorders (borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, etc.) and impulse control disorders. You can also find people act impulsively when they are anxious or experiencing trauma. If you are suffering from a mental health issue, treatment is available to help decrease these kinds of impulsive behaviors.
It’s Not All Bad
As with everything, there is a healing and a destructive side. The healing side of impulsivity is taking action whereas you wouldn’t have before. This push can help you step outside of the box and explore new ways of being. Much of our intuition and gut feelings lead us to take immediate action without thought. It is important to trust these drives, which protect and guide us.
What Fuels your Impulsive Behavior?
Often people act impulsively to get rid of anxiety or anger. By acting to remove your discomfort, you end up creating more discomfort.
Ask yourself;
Is my impulsivity from a learned behavior through society, a mental health condition, people pleasing or a combination of these?
Ways to Decrease Impulsive People Pleasing
Growing up and sometimes as an adult, I felt compelled to jump in and help, whenever a need arose. I automatically said yes to all requests, as if I didn’t have a choice. I did not take the time to consider if this was something I wanted to do. This is how impulsive people pleasing cuts you off from your own feelings and thoughts.
Whether you identify as empath, empathic or a people pleaser, here are some ways to decrease impulsivity and connect within. The next time someone asks you for a favor or help, try these phrases to give yourself the space to process;
1. Let me sleep on it.
2. I will consider it.
3. Give me some time to check my schedule.
4. Let me get back to you.
These phrases give you the option to make a choice based on what you want. In this space, check in with your body and mind. Observe your thoughts and feelings.
Ask yourself;
Does this feel right for me?
What does my gut tell me?
Ways to Decrease Reactivity in all Situations
When you feel triggered by another person or situation, this is the time to not respond. It may go against everything you feel within and seem wrong, but do not do it. Create a space of calmness and try these activities instead;
Write out all your thoughts and feelings uncensored. Shred the page.
Talk to a trusted friend and ask their opinion.
Go for a walk.
Practice deep breathing and stay in the present moment.
Pray.
Final Thoughts
The more you can build awareness, take responsibility and be specific, the better you can manage impulsivity. When you react out of fear or anger, take responsibility for your part. In unhealthy relationships, we contribute something to keep them going. Look at your own patterns and heal these.
You do not have to say yes to every request on your time and energy. If you are repeating your boundaries multiple times to the same person, it is time to detach and possibly disconnect from this person. You do not need or require another’s permission or approval to heal yourself. Remember, we are all on our own journey of healing. Some people will not be traveling with us.
You do not have to share every thought that comes into your mind. In fact, it is often best when you don’t.
Lisa Hutchison LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist and writing coach. She works for caring professionals, who want to prevent or treat compassion fatigue. Her specialty is teaching stress management, assertiveness and boundary setting. Lisa is the Amazon bestselling author of I Fill My Cup: A Journal for Compassionate Helpers and the kindle book Setting Ethical Limits for Caring & Competent Professionals. Get a FREE 10 page E-book; Why Compassionate People Run Out of Energy and What You Can Do About It at http://www.lisahutchison.net
Oh dear. I do relate. I try to pratice pausing, taking a deep breath and checking in to my gut. more now. But I do think at times I am guilty of oversharing. And it’s so right about anxiety and impulsively.
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It is all about learning and I love how you are slowing down your reactions. We all have acted impulsively at time or another. I know I have. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Many Blessings, Lisa
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And in return Lisa 🌹❤💃
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🙏
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Great advice, Lisa! As a highly sensitive person with c-ptsd I can really relate. I have a bad case of the people pleasing disease — as result I often act in ways that counter-intuitive to my well-being. I’m going to reblog this and write a post based on it. 🙏
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Thanks Mother Wintermoon.
It touches my heart you were inspired by this post. 🙏💕
Many Blessings,
Lisa
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Loved it!
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Reblogged this on Sacred SoulSongs.
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Thanks for sharing MW!
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More wonderful thoughts, Lisa. I tend to share more at times, too, so I often revert back to the phrase, “Less is best sometimes.” 🙂 Great advice! 💓
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Thank you, Lauren!
It took me a few years to understand less is best when sharing. Most people are coming from their own understanding and you can’t change their beliefs. (Unless they want to change their beliefs)
Many Blessings,
Lisa 💕✌
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I have made it a focus in my life over the last year to “walk my talk” but to do so with mindfulness and to learn from my lapses.
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I have too, Barb. The beauty is there is always something to learn.
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Great discussion of the pros and cons of impulsivity. It is a balance, for sure.
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Thanks, Christy!
Exactly, finding a balance is important.
I don’t want to get rid of impulsivity all together, only the behaviors that cause us and others harm.
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Great post, Lisa! I like the saying to “respond…don’t react”…that has saved me numerous times. I used to react immediately and there were many times that very bad situations followed.
Hope you are well…enjoy this Magnificent day. Hope you have a great week ahead! ❤
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Thank you, Lorrie!
We all have moments of impulsivity and opportunities to learn. I know I have. In society, we are taught to feel ashamed of impulsivity. It is a part of our human biology, tied to fight, flight syndrome also. Sometimes we need it to get away from immediate threats.
I hope you are well also.
Sending many blessings to you, Lisa 💕🙏
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Have a great week, Lisa☺🌻🌞
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Excellent advice as always Lisa. I learned long ago to think before I speak. And as for jumping on to do favors, lol, I won’t have to be worrying about that. The people in my immediate life have shown me their true colors as I stand alone at the plate right now. I won’t ever have to worry again about doing them any favors. Like Maya Angelous said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”. Hugs xx
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Thank you Debby.
I am sorry to hear that. I have experienced that kind of emotional pain myself with family and friends. It hurts when you need the support and it isn’t there. 😥 For me, it strengthened my self resolve, faith in God and my boundaries.
I know you have been going through a lot. You can count on my support to keep you and your family in my prayers. Hugs xoxo
Lisa
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Thank you so much Lisa, much appreciated. And yes, these new lessons only confirmed what I knew and my boundary decision was indeed a good one. Hugs my friend. xoxo
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xoxo
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Very wise Lisa…. I learnt many years ago never to rush into any sudden decision making… In fact I ponder long and hard before committing to something…. Not always the case… In my youth I know I was spontaneous but it often backfired … Head ruling heart.. lol..
Now my gut has to feel right ….
loved reading your thoughts Lisa… And thank you for your lovely message.. Just getting back into my blog again and my son thank you is mending and healing… but still not back at work yet… But much improved..
Sending love and many thanks Lisa….
Hugs Sue ❤
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Thanks Sue!
Yes, that is excellent to check in with your gut. I know for me, it has never steered me wrong.
I am happy to hear your son is improving. I pray he continues this progress and healing.
It is always lovely to hear from you.
Many Blessings to you and your family,
Lisa xoxo
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And always good to visit here too Lisa… and thank you… Stay Blessed my friend.. Much love back ❤
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[…] If you are impulsive with your answers, you may want to read How to slow down impulsive decisions and improve relationships […]
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