How to forgive those who emotionally reject you

How to Forgive Those Who Emotionally Reject You

I have wanted to write about empaths and narcissists yet I didn’t know where to start. As with all writer’s block, I was overwhelmed with the subject matter because I have too much information and experience with this. One night after a dream, this blog post came together.

People who have narcissistic and/or borderline traits often give silent treatments and invalidate others. Those with narcissistic traits use these tactics as a way to control and manipulate to gain a sense of power. While those with borderline traits use these tactics out of a fear of being abandoned or rejected by others. They want to reject you before you reject them.

My experience

I grew up believing that rejection was a part of love, after all that is how I lived. I often received silent treatments and invalidation from male family members. At first, I felt hurt until I realized it was a good thing because I did not have to listen to negativity any longer.

Avoiding a pattern does not heal it. These energies translated into my early dating experiences. I attracted boyfriends who were hot and then ice cold to me. I often felt confused and attracted to them more because of this ambivalence. Luckily, I broke free from this before meeting my husband, although I have seen it a few more times through friendships and work relationships.

How to break free for good! 

#1 Become aware. Love is not painful, invalidating or rejecting. Educate yourself, talk to a therapy professional and see the reality of the relationship. One problem is if you live in a fantasy of what you want for the relationship vs. what it truly is. Write down these differences in a journal; what my relationship is and what I want. This exercise will help you gain clarity about your situation.

When others ignore, reject or invalidate you, it is a reflection of them, not you. Loving people do not go around hurting others. A loving energy wants to keep connections open, build others up and be a healing force in this world.

#2  Express Gratitude. Be thankful for the lessons learned. When you see how you have grown, you can choose to no longer repeat the pattern through other relationships.

#3 Forgive. Forgiveness is for your own inner peace and healing.  It in no way excuses inexcusable behavior. These types of relationships and wounds are difficult, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to process.

Here is a healing statement combining how  #2 and #3 work together:

Thank you for teaching me that silent treatments, rejections and invalidations are NOT love. I now choose to forgive ___________________(insert name) and release you into the light. I NOW attract healthy, loving relationships.

You may need to repeat and write this several times to connect your logical mind to your feeling mind. When you feel the tears, let them flow and experience a sense of peace inside of yourself. You are done.

You may also want to read these additional blogs:

Are you making up stories?

How to Recognize Manipulation & Protect Your Energy 

How to Successfully Deal with Passive Aggressive Behavior

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works specifically with sensitive healers who want to recharge and refuel their energies from challenging relationships such as these through phone counseling and angel card readings.

I will address your specific situation as we come up with a step by step plan to empower you for a future interaction. The more you step into your power, you will deal more successfully with this type of relationship dynamic without getting drained. To break free from the chaos of relationship dynamics go to www.lisahutchison.net and help yourself to 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from your Life Now!

 

 

35 thoughts on “How to forgive those who emotionally reject you

  1. Thank you Lisa… such an important post… And very important to recognise.. Like you our upbringing conditions us, and it wasn’t until way into my adult years that I began to put labels and terms to those personalities that my Mother would exhibit.. Needless to say it took also years in which to peel off those layers that led one to believe you were unworthy and worthless,
    And those layers are still even today being peeled, as we learn to forgive those who wounded us..

    Many thanks for sharing, and yes, a difficult subject to cover but you did it admirably. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for tackling this difficult subject, Lisa! I love this: “A loving energy wants to keep connections open, build others up and be a healing force in this world.” Yes, indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Once upon a time, I believed that silence was an ally for peacekeeping. Yet, found resentment would brew not only for me, but for another who needed for me to use my voice. So, happy to speak up even if my voice quivers. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a topic I hear about much more these days. A few years ago I had an experience with a borderline. Out of nowhere (in my eyes and my husbands) she ended our friendship with extreme anger – for no apparent reason. I was shocked. When I found out she had borderline personality disorder, it all made sense. She hid it well, but as with a narcissist, eventually their true colors will rise to the surface. Your advice is wise – forgiveness is our own healing. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you Lisa for your insightful post. I just forgave and released a 10 year client who had borderline personality disorder. After 10 years of serving her as an intuitive therapist, she ended our relationship in an aggressive and hurtful way. This kind of situation is hard on an empathic person such as I but I was able to bless and release her in love and white light.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are welcome Debra. 10 years is along time to have a connection with anyone and an ending such as you describe would feel hurtful. Sometime, I wonder if clients believe therapists don’t have feelings or care as deeply as we do about them. I am glad you are finding healing with that situation. Thank you for sharing your personal experience.

      Like

  6. Appreciating the depth and breadth of this statement which I will memorize: “Thank you for teaching me that silent treatments, rejections, and invalidations are NOT love. I now choose to forgive ___________________(insert name) and release you into the light. I NOW attract healthy, loving relationships.”
    YES!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I had a home care client/friend who did that to me a few times before she died, and I let it bother me! In hindsight, I would have said, “okay, good bye, I am leaving for awhile! I don’t need this, Anita!!”

    Liked by 1 person

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