How to receive help when you’re a helper

How to Receive Help when You're a Helper (1)

 

I don’t know about you, I find it very difficult to ask for help. I have a strong ego that says, “I will do it myself.” My entire life I have taken pride in my independence. I know there are times that I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I asked for help. Now that my business is growing and I want to maintain my energy levels, I am asking for help more and more.

As a psychotherapist, I often guide my clients to ask for help. Do you notice as a helper it is almost as if you need permission to do so? We often reassure one another. It is okay to rest. It is okay to do less. It is okay to ask for help at work and at home. You don’t need anyone’s permission because you already are deserving and worthy of help.  

Where does the block to receiving help start?

You were born with an independent streak. You have an independent personality.  I remember being a small child wanting a teddy bear that was in the crib. Rather than ask for help, I reached my little arm through the bar and tried to get the bear out myself. If I remember correctly my arm got stuck!

You don’t want to be a burden or bother others. You have heard in the past a negative response when you asked for help or were manipulated with guilt. As an empath, you sense and know others are experiencing overwhelm and stress. Due to this awareness, you avoid speaking up and asserting your needs.

A fear of rejection. When you get the courage to ask for help, you feel vulnerable and sensitive with your ego. You imagine someone saying “no” as the worst case scenario. Do not give the word “no” so much power. It is okay if someone can not help you. There are a lot of other people out there in the world that can. To take the sting out of no, say, “Who can I ask next?”

You enjoy being the helper, not the one being helped. Some people attribute negative thoughts or feelings to needing help. You may think you are weak for needing help. It is a sign of strength to reach out and ask for help. There will be a time for each and every one of us when we need a little help from our friends.

How to ask for help

Know the signs of needing help. A good sign you need help is when you feel overwhelmed, tense and your energy is depleting. When this happens, think of the people who are in your circle. Who are the ones that offer the kind of help you need?

Pray to the Divine. Ask for a person with integrity to help you with your current situation and trust the Divine has brought him or her into your life. When this person arrives, give thanks and pay attention to the advice that is given. Remember you are never alone.

Ask! One benefit of asking for help is when others are not personally involved in your situation, they can offer unique solutions that you have not thought about. In order to receive, you have to start asking others for help and there is no perfect way to do it. You are going to have to learn how to ask while feeling uncomfortable because it isn’t natural for helpers to seek outside help. When someone says no, keep asking until you get the help you need.

The more specific you can be in your request, the better you can receive help. When you are able to be clear, people can understand your situation better. Be flexible and open, because sometimes a person can not help you as you requested but can help you in other ways. There were a few times I received a healing, I didn’t get what I wanted yet I got what I needed.

For more support and help contact Lisa. 

Lisa Hutchison LMHC works for empathic healers who feel drained after their helping efforts, refill and recharge their energy with psychotherapy, intuitive coaching and angel card readings. For more information visit her website at www.lisahutchison.net, while you are there get this FREE gift: 8 Simple Things that Release Chaos from Your Life Now!

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “How to receive help when you’re a helper

  1. My mother instilled in me the idea that if you ask for help, it makes you look weak and not able to handle things on your own. I think it stemmed from her being adopted but it took root in me and for years I was embarrassed to ask for help. Now I know that refusing help is taking away the other person’s right to be of service. We’re all connected!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I, too, find it difficult to ask for help. It’s been three months, two days since the passing of my oldest son. As an empath, I can feel the dread and disinterest of others as I begin to answer their question, “How are you?” The hard part of being an empath is “feeling” their internal eye-roll. I have found myself simply replying with a dull, generic, “I’m fine.” I am learning who the “safe” people are that authentically want to help, versus those who only want me to help them in their situation.

    Wonderful article, Lisa. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cindy, I know I have said this previously to you, I am sorry for your loss. Grief is an intimately personal and difficult journey. Having discernment to who can truly help support you at this time will assist in your healing. Sometimes it is helpful to look beyond your circle of friends and family to seek out an empathic therapist who is not involved. I send you much love and light as you walk this path. You are welcome and thanks for sharing your journey as if can be helpful to others.

      Like

  3. This is such an important topic Lisa and I am so grateful you highlighted the need to ask for help and some reasons we may resist doing so when we are usually the helper. Thank you so much for your insight, wisdom and encouragement!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am learning the importance of asking for help- my recent fractured knee was another example for me. No choice 🙂 We so easily give when others ask and in learning to ask we are empowering ourselves and being kind too xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Divine brings us opportunities to reach out to others for help, we all get them, even us helpers. I am sorry to hear about your knee and send you light/love to heal quickly and smoothly. Yes, it is an act of empowerment when we ask for help. Suzie. xx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s