How Positivity Blocks Being Real

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In a close relationship, I recently voiced my anger in an assertive and calm way. Afterwards, I noticed the sting of the underlying hurt and disappointment lingered and began to look on the bright side. “Well, at least I don’t have to__________.”  As soon as the words passed across my lips, I felt uncomfortable. The things I was looking on the bright side about really weren’t that big of a deal. Yes, they were inconveniences, I was willing to do it before. In that moment, I became aware that I stepped out of being authentic.  I was attempting to put on my rose-colored glasses to hide the pain and avoid feeling the v word, vulnerable with being positive rather than fully sitting with it. Looking at the bright side to cope with emotional pain is not entirely a bad thing.  It has served me well in the past, however in this moment it wasn’t cutting it.  I needed to let this wound air out rather than putting a band-aid on it.

Sometimes you and I need to sit in the pain until it passes and not look at the bright side.  Most of my life, I was uncomfortable expressing and voicing my anger. In addition to that, as an empath, I was feeling and absorbing other people’s fears around anger too.  I learned that people wanted happy emotions and that is what I gave them.  It took me going to my own therapy in my 20’s to connect to what I was feeling and express that.  Even though I learned how to express anger in an assertive way, I had a lot of fear around doing it.

I worried;

What if this person does not like me anymore?  

What if this ends the relationship? 

Interestingly enough a few friendships and family relationships did end.  I learned that a lot of people are uncomfortable with anger and it has nothing to do with me. Their feeling uncomfortable does not mean that I have to stifle my feelings.

I wanted to share this experience to show that being authentic is messy at times and situations can’t be wrapped up with a pretty pink bow saying everything is cool, when it is not.  Sometimes being positive does not help ourselves or others but rather blocks the lesson of the moment from being fully absorbed. Those are the times that you need to sit in it and through it to fully learn the wisdom that comes with time.

How Positivity Blocks Being Real (1)

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16 thoughts on “How Positivity Blocks Being Real

  1. Yes! I had a very similar experience as I minimized my feelings over a recent event in order to stay “positive.” The discomfort I felt over stifling my feeling popped into my thoughts during my morning meditation. Later, I came back to the thoughts. I came to a similar conclusion: that there are times when “positivity” does not serve us. I then acknowledged my feelings and came up with a positive way of handling the unsavory situation. Thank you for sharing your story!

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    • You are welcome Melissa and thank you for sharing also. For myself, it is so much easier for me to express the positive, as we both concluded there are times that do not call for that. Those times must be honored also. ❤ xx

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  2. I’m totally cool with being angry. It’s a real emotion and often is a guide to authenticity. Brushing anger aside or putting on rose colored glasses only stuffs the anger down until it festers and oozes out as resentment and rage.

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  3. I follow a lot of other authors online, many in the “personal growth/success” genre. Recently, I’ve been feeling somewhat frustrated with my feed — especially the writers who seem to have “dealt with” everything. And, BINGO, there you are — hitting the nail on the head. I haven’t unfollowed most of them because I believe their intention to be helpful, and I’m interested in their evolution, but sometimes that “impenetrable wall of positive” comes across as arrogant and superior.

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    • Andrea, I understand that feeling of frustration as I have felt it too. I am being more drawn into sharing my more human moments, which in the past I would of felt ashamed or uncomfortable to do. I realize that it is these moments that truly helps others and myself to heal. Thanks for your thoughts. xx

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  4. Lisa, this spoke to me. As a former pessimist & constant worrier, I have had to learn to let go, find the positive and “bright side” of many things. Still, there are those days where I feel legitimate anger. I find it’s much healthier to release it in a constructive way, rather than bottle it up inside causing further stress on my immune system and mood. Thanks for such an authentic, vulnerable post! 🙂

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    • You are welcome Kindness Junkie! I am much more comfortable with my anger than I was 20 years ago. I have learned that there does not have to be a bright side to everything. It is what it is sometimes and that is okay too. xx

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  5. Love this article Lisa. As a fellow empath I always have some level of awareness of messy emotions – my own, those of my loved ones, society at large. I have long ago learned to tend, air or address them as need be. But it does get tiresome when I look around and hear a steady stream of positivity and light. I’m all about joy and fulfillment but I love someone who can say it like it is – that sometimes being human hurts or we feel angry or even handle it poorly. Brava!

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    • Thank you Joni xx It can be really tough being an empath sorting out all the emotions, especially anger. Anger is an energy that can act as a fuel for inspiration, much as it has for me with this blog.

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  6. Being present with our feelings has the potential of being messy in general, especially the more engaged we are with others and their emotions. Cultivating self-awareness through meditation and mindfulness has been so helpful to me in staying grounded and allowing me to relate authentically to myself and others. Thank you for your insights!

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